Silver Cord
by 90stelevision
Summary: When she tells him to go after ruining her chances at happiness with Logan, she realises her feelings are more than just him being a pain in the ass. So when he does leave what does she find after months of searching to fill the emptiness in her. (Came to be like 2 days ago and I needed to just write it otherwise I'd explode. M because language & other adult content) M/A bc goals
1. Chapter One

She had told him to go away. I mean she didn't really MEAN it. She didn't intend for it all to turn out so sideways, but sometimes she wondered if it was for the better…

He was an idiot. She had always told herself that, and others too. Anyone who asked about him really, ''Him? No, he's an idiot I wouldn't trust him to hold a cup''. But now that was only lies. Maybe they had always been lies, she can't fully think of a time where her whole being said anything negative about him. Other than his use of women all over Seattle. But besides that had he ever really done anything to her, in fact the more she thought about it, it was all about him constantly doing things for her and how did she repay him? By constantly dragging on him and telling him he wasn't good enough. But he was a big boy…he could handle himself. _More lies._

It was just another day being back, work, bonding with OC, getting yelled at by Normal and protecting Joshua from the ordinaries who feared them ever since she broadcast Eyes Only's cast about Manticore and was the single handed reason for all this mess. Maybe what he was doing was a good thing. _Killing other transgenic's was NOT a good thing, how could she think that. Although it was just a few less people to round up, a few less to control, a few less causing havoc._ That was just plain sick. Defending his actions like what he was doing was some sort of fucked up godsend. She couldn't believe how her day had turned out. Spending her day saving his ass instead of living free, the thing she internally begged for all those months back at Manticore. _Instead of getting the cure_. She internally voiced as the doctor pulled the micro explosive out of his head and when it was removed and had gone off she had sighed happily that he hadn't died. He was still there with her, and she couldn't place why she felt overjoyed when she wasn't splattered with his brains. Chalking it up to nothing and convincing herself she would feel the same about anyone who was currently in her life whether they were invited or weaselled their way in and made home. _Lies, so many lies._

It made her angry. Why couldn't she make up her mind about him? It made her angry having no control over her emotions, lack of control was something that had been stripped of her years ago and then again by the same people. Dictating her and who she should be. She couldn't even do that with herself. When he tried to speak she cut him off, angry that he made her feel so small and insecure. She rambled on about how he ruined her life, how that was the last chance for her and Logan. And then she had said it.

''Just do me a favour, and go away. I can't even look at you right now''. And she half scoffed and half sighed and turned her back to him. Joshua emitted a low growl telling him to do what she says and leave. He turned back and barely made eye contact.

''I'm sorry Max. For everything''. And then he left.

Days had gone and she felt _odd. Something was missing._ She felt like her world was shifted. Like she had more spare time on her hands, she caught herself looking around, eyes darting across the areas of Jam Pony, Crash and sometimes even the low levels of TC. He was nowhere to be seen. Externally she was joyed, the pain in her ass finally dissipated and she could focus on her. Internally she screamed, she kicked herself and sometimes went wondering around Seattle, subconsciously looking for him. But there was nothing. No bike. No leather jacket. No annoying smirk and witting or sexual comeback. It was empty. _SHE was empty_. No no no no, she couldn't. She was meant to feel empty without Logan. She was meant to feel empty without Joshua or Sketchy; hell even White not being around would on some level make her feel incomplete. It was more than that, she didn't just feel incomplete, it was like there was something deep rooted in her that was wearing thin, a silver cord tightly wrapping itself up inside herself. It was all him.

More days had passed and eventually those days turned into weeks and now it was a month. Today was that day. She pretended not to care or even acknowledge the lack of his existence except Joshua had brought him up during her lunch visit.

''Where is medium fella''? He asked. She just shrugged but in her head that question had been swirling around since he was gone all those weeks ago.

''I don't know big fella, maybe he just didn't wanna be here anymore''. It sounded good out loud and Joshua nodded his head in response indicating that yes, that it was happened. But she knew. Of course she did. It was so ever – present she was surprised no one had asked her all this time. _Lies._

 _He has to be here somewhere. He couldn't have just left the sector cops would have cornered him by now. He's not that sneaky. He also had no money, it's not like he could just go to Canada with empty pockets._ Or maybe he could. He could sleep his way through any country around the world probably. That thought sickened her. It wasn't because she was upset that whoever was laying next to him wasn't her, she hadn't sorted through those level of feelings yet, she was only scratching the surface. She had to stop thinking of him like that. 3 months later and he was nowhere. The emptiness still itching her skin like she was going through drug withdrawals. She hated feeling so lost. She gave up subconsciously looking for him and spent any free waking moment she had searching high and low, far and wide, clean and down right rotten parts of Seattle for his cocky grin and the smell of soap. She had almost given up. The seconds were wearing thin _just like that bomb in his head…_ She was searching in TC that night in the darkest parts wondering through an old apartment complex that on first glance, just looked like a dump of bricks. But some parts of the building were left standing and there were many apartments still there – vacant – but there. The sound of soft classical music played through the half sturdy hallway on of the floors, 4th if she had to guess. It got quieter and quieter and then eventually it stopped for a few seconds before a thud echoed out and a rattle of different notes from a piano. Someone or something was here. And her being her could never just let something be. Jogging the last few steps to the door of the apartment that the sound lead to she turned the door handle timidly afraid that maybe it was a fellow Manticore mutant that would attack. But it wasn't. Anything but that. It was him.

Slumped over on the floor, the piano untouched on the other side of the room, the TV channelling an old film she had never seen before where someone was murdered over a piano. That's the sound she heard. The TV. Thank god, he was probably just sleeping or maybe just blocking out the world. She rushed forward but stopped herself, she couldn't be eager; he'd hang shit on her for it as long as she lived. Stalking towards is body she stopped near his feet, lightly kicking him a few times, prodding to wake him from whatever slumber state he was in. There was nothing more response. Coming around to see his face and body she nearly died next to him. His face was pale, a weird contrast to his usually tan skin. He was basically transparent and when she touched him he was cold. His chest wasn't rising and falling steadily, if at all. And that's when the silver cord unravelled itself and she came undone. _No more lies Max. Lies get Alec killed._


	2. Chapter Two

She stopped existing the same time she saw his body on the ground, almost ghost-like and cold. She thought he was dead, she really did and the paramedic had told her only a few more hours and it really would have happened. _Look at what you do, you're toxic._ She had told herself that every day since the paramedics drove him off to the local hospital. She hadn't told anyone it was too hard to talk about, but somehow everyone knew and they had known the details of it all. They tried to comfort her, throwing out apologises left right and centre, paging and showing up at her and OC's apartment almost every hour to make sure she was okay.

She felt selfish. Why were they checking up on HER? He had nearly died at her words, it was all her, they should be angry. They should be furious at her not offering up to take her shifts at work and delivering food baskets to her doorstep. _You deserve to feel like this. Hate yourself._ And she did, hate herself. How could she not? All of this was because of her, because of what she said, all those lies and anger. He didn't deserve it. Really. The more days she spent at home pacing around worrying about him the more and more she got frustrated with herself. He was new to Seattle, before that he was a perfect soldier and Manticore loyalist. Of course he would revert to doing exactly what they taught them, to survive and if that meant killing his own then he did. But he never set out to ruin her and her chance with Logan. He couldn't have known, no one did. He didn't want to die and that was fair, neither would she after everything he had been through. _God you're so stupid, you only think about yourself. Fuck up._

He had apologised. She realised that was the last thing he had said to her in all these months. He apologised. Smart ass, sleazy, and annoying little man he was, apologised, to little old' her. For what? What HAD he actually done to her? Sure back in Manticore trying to almost force her to sleep with him as his breeding partner wasn't a peachy first introduction. But he was everything they wanted out of them. He had his orders, and even then she'd done nothing but trash him, shitting all over everything he knew. Just because she had known the outside world didn't mean that everyone else like him had. _He wasn't – isn't Ben._ All she saw was the killer in his twin. _And you hate it when people judge you._

It had been at least two weeks since he was hauled off to hospital. No one had heard anything other than he was still alive. So far as how he was doing that was a mystery. Work had become sluggish; her rounds took more time, which meant more yelling from Normal. Usually she would snap back at him by now just like she would anyone else but she didn't have the energy. It was like her world was slowing down around her, nothing to keep her excited. She hadn't spoken to anyone other than Joshua when she brought him food and books and OC when she came home from work or late nights at Crash. They had stopped asking her how she was the first week after she found him. What would she say to them? It was usually silence and they had taken that as a silent invitation to just shut the fuck up and drop it. But she couldn't. Plagued by his almost lifeless image on the dirty brown carpet which looked darker and dirtier compared with his dead complexion, she woke up from slumbers almost crying, one time she had screamed and OC came running in to make sure she was okay. OC stayed with her that night while she cried in her arms, the cord inside her that had snapped was jabbing at her, rolling around inside her almost begging her to look at it. She couldn't. She couldn't look that far into herself and face everything she had been running from all these years…that was too hard. But almost loosing him had been harder.

There. Here. Standing outside the closed door. Her transgenic hearing picking up every sound that passed through to the other side. The high pitch of the heart monitor and his shallow breathing, the only thing slightly calming her was that she could hear the rise and fall of his chest against the paper thin gown they had changed him into. He was better. She wanted to believe that.

''You can go in you know''. The doctor said behind her, jumping her a little.

''I'm not sure; I don't think he would want me here. I – ''

The doctor cut her off.

''You're the one that found him right? Why would he not want to see you, he should thank you for practically saving his life''.

''What do you mean''? She questioned.

''When we brought him in we ran the basic tests, blood, spit, urine, the whole nine to see what it was. When his blood work came back we almost smacked ourselves square''. He said. By the look on her face the doctor realised she was asking for more.

''We're not sure how he got hold of them, they're not only illegal but the ingredients used in those kinds of drugs are certainly not found in Seattle, not even in Terminal City''.

''Drugs.'' she almost whispered.

''And plenty of them, as many as you can think of really. H, Coke, E, the basic hands on you would usually find somewhere like New York but in such high levels''. The doctor concluded.

How could he have taken it this far? Almost killing himself just because of some angry words, like he had never said any of his own in heated discussions. _Fuck can't you see it. Always thinking about you. About Logan and being with him, fucking childish. It won't work Max, face it, it's all Alec._ She hadn't even thought about Logan in weeks, ignored his every call and refused to answer the door when he came knocking. But she loved him, why didn't she think about him, sure they couldn't touch but his presence would be enough. It usually was. The cord inside her poked around jarring her ribs sharply. Her hands were shaking. She was nervous. _What if he hates me? He should hate me. I hate me. Why do I hate myself so much? He had blown this whole thing way out of proportion. Why couldn't he just sleep with some random girl he picked up at Crash? No god no I don't want that. Bitch._

 _Why don't I want that?_

 _Why did this hurt him…_ she was killing herself over him. Tearing up her insides. The newest item to the list of things they had in common.


	3. Chapter Three

She never went and saw him, mainly just stood outside his hospital room listening to his breathing, and then she had panicked and ran. Then altogether she stopped, refusing to even go near anywhere he was. She was out doing a job to try and get back the money for Logan that he spent trying to find the cure. The rest she had blown on _HIM_. Blown probably wasn't the most acceptable word to use. She almost has the baseball, the one that had already had a buyer lined up for it. Then the rope dropped. There he was. Almost exactly like he was before he went missing and done gone nearly died on her. _He's alive…how long had he been out of the hospital? Why didn't anyone tell her?_ In her state of deep thinking he grabbed the baseball away from her, almost getting away with it too if she hadn't been snapped back into reality by his movements to realise what he was doing. They fought over it like children fighting over the last piece of candy after Halloween, swinging back and forth before she kicked it out of his hand and before she could catch it, it landed on the ground setting off the alarm. _He was only trying to pay you back after helping him._

 _This feels good._ His hands were ever so slightly draped around her waist as they rode out of the sector back to their homes. _Where was he living? God, I hope not back at that old place._ She shuddered, chalking it up to the wind that blew past as she came to a stop before the sector guard. His hands had brushed against her skin under her clothes as they rode. She felt movement behind her and suddenly her clothes felt too tight and she felt sweat form on her forehead. He forgot his sector pass and opted to sneak in Manticore style. All he does is just ask for trouble, and it's only from himself. Just once she'd like him to make one rational decision.

''Thanks for the ride'' he said.

''Thanks for ruining my plan to get my money back''. It was true, if only he had left it alone.

''Hey I was willing to deal, you should have let go when you had the chance''. He was right. If only she could just stop fighting him. _You're only fighting yourself._

''I should have let your head explode when I had the chance''. Silence.

 _You've done it again. Lying again. You're going to hurt him again, stop pretending you hate him. Lord knows he doesn't hate you and you basically made his heart stop._

Feeling angrier by the second she showed the guard her Jam Pony pass and went through the sector riding until she felt numb both emotionally and physically. It was a few days and he hadn't shown up anywhere. God, she had done it again, she thought until she talked to Logan. Somehow they were back on speaking terms, but their relationship undefined. She didn't want to define it because if she did she would understand there was nothing there anymore _to_ define. Logan had called him asking for his help down in the sewers.

''He said you were hot you know''. Logan had told her. Her heart skipped a beat, and then a few more before she remembered how to breathe. She was acting like she had some sort of schoolgirl crush. _He said you were hot, he says that about all the girls in Seattle. But he said it to Logan, THE Logan to his face._

They hadn't actually spoken since she told him he wished he had basically died. Even though he nearly had. Then he had paid her an open compliment while helping out the guy he tried to kill through her. That made her head hurt. He really wasn't as awful as she had tried to convince herself he was. He wasn't selfish. _Of course not Max, that position is reserved for you._ The cord spiked up again, this time clawing at her heart and her lower stomach making her feel sick. This needed to be sorted. It was becoming too much for her to handle she hated the feelings he provoked in her the ones she talked about having for Logan but could never dig deep enough to find said feelings. Only when Alec was mentioned or actually standing there – anything remotely to do with him – she felt more aware of everything. The colours shined brighter, the smells seemed more distinct and then the more she kept begging herself to coil up again, to go back to the time where the silver cord hadn't snapped, her mind wasn't constantly thinking about him. Where he was, what he was doing, who he was with. _Who was he with? No one is more important than me being there with him._

She found herself calling Logan to get Alec's apartment address, telling Logan it was so she could go and talk about Manticore and Joshua and help him make sense of the world. Maybe he would stop being such a pain if he knew the world from the same perspective she did. _It never ends with the lying does it Max? First Alec, and then yourself, OC and Joshua too and now Logan. You're so pathetic._

Standing outside his door, just like at the hospital she listened for any other noises but all she got was static television and Alec eating. He was alone that's good, no new notch to walk in on and make things awkward. She knocked. She heard just static this time and a hitch in his breathing. Then tentative footsteps made their way to the door and he opened it looking down on her just a little. She glanced up and caught his green eyes briefly – shocked of course – before pushing past him without so much as a welcome.

He closed the door with a swing and turned to face her. She snapped around to interrupt whatever he was going to say not wanting to chicken out on her reasons for being there. _This is it Max, tell him, and really tell him._

''I hate you'' she said, ''I hate you so much''. _Finally Max, you learned to tell the truth…_


	4. Chapter Four

She had never been one to be so abrupt about anything especially when it came to talking about what it was inside her that made her who she is. Feelings, her family, the thoughts her brain produced, none of it was ever spoken aloud, not even to herself, the inside voice was always silenced. _Until now._

''Oh, well please don't sugar coat it''. He said,

She took a deep breath realizing she had jumped the gun and let the dam of emotion flood out a little too quickly. ''That's not what I meant''. She said.

''Could have fooled me''.

''Just let me explain I –''

''Let you explain what? That you're sorry for what you said? Which time you're referring to I have no idea but your apology is slightly accepted. What else. Oh! For never visiting me in the hospital even though you pretty much pushed me to the edge all those months ago. For consistently refusing my help and fucking me off''. He spoke calmly which made her more fearful and angry with herself. But she wouldn't show him that. She could never. _But you want to don't you. All you want to do is just run to him and pretend like the last year hasn't even happened. Face it, FACE IT._

''I don't hate you if that's what you're wondering, coming here to have a clear conscious there is no need. You are forgiven and now you may leave''. He said brushing past her, his arm grazing hers and the cord spiked up again the demonic voice screaming inside her head. _That felt nice didn't it. You would love nothing more than to hold him all night, be with him. Don't kid yourself its what you've always wanted since he helped you escape isn't it? Isn't it?_ She was shocked to say the least he had taken the words right out of her throat and projected them for her, finishing with the sloppy half grin he did when he was uncomfortable about something. Before she could stop herself she opened up her mouth.

''Why did you do it? You were almost dead? Do you know what that did to me''? She asked.

He rolled his eyes, making her even angrier. Damn she had been feeling angry for a long time now and in the beginning it was at herself but now she wasn't sure. She was trying to apologise for fucks sake couldn't he just smile and say no problem and quip her with some pathetic and ultimately sexual remark that he picked up from some sleazy channel on the TV? Why did he have to be an ass about it?

''I'm trying to say I'm sorry and explain myself, can I do that''?

''I don't wanna hear your shitty excuses''.

''Why did you do it''?

There was silence for what seemed like hours.

''Why did you do it''? She asked again softer and she could feel the tremble in her lower lip and his practically lifeless body filled her mind. _If you keep questioning he will answer, and you know what it is. You know because you feel the same. Can you hear it out loud? Someone accepting you for what you are. A monster._

''Because you ruined me. I love you. And you broke me''. And in that moment his dam of emotions broke, his silver cord inside himself snapping. The coil coming undone and attaching itself to hers.


	5. Chapter Five

She felt it. When he finished his sentence she felt something grab her and twist her, pulling her to him. And then she couldn't lie anymore. It was over between her and Logan. It was many months ago, the voice in her head had come to that conclusion while he was missing and her heart had all but agreed when she saw him back in Seattle like his old self. She couldn't lie to her friends anymore, Joshua, Sketchy and OC. He wasn't anything like she had told them, my god he was so much more, he hadn't even known her and he risked being captured and interrogated by Manticore – and she knew how horrifying it could be – just to help her escape and get back into the real world, I mean sure Logan and her friends had thought she was dead or missing but they didn't do anything. Sketch and OC she could understand but all Logan had done as Eye's Only was make her life inside Manticore hell. Constantly being watched by guards and Renfro, it drove her insane. Didn't realise how much until now. She could no longer lie to Alec. That had been the worst part of it all. She had only refused him because he represented everything she hated, but hadn't known any different. _He's not Ben_. No. No he's not. Ever since he had been out with her in the real world he'd only done everything she was doing, just at a slower and sex exuding pace. _Not that you mind, when you think about it you always wanted to know what being with another one of your kind in bed would have been like. But you just had to stand your ground…_

She no longer lied to herself. The pain inside her was gone, the coils cords no longer scratching at her insides trying to get out. To get out to him. It wasn't something silly like heat or her DNA telling her she was ready to mate in fact it had nothing to do with anything Manticore designed in her, it was all Max. And then it hit her. The demonic voice that had terrorised her over the past year was gone; it had done its job. She wasn't sure if she should be happy and angry it took her this long, for someone who talked nothing about free will and living a life that made her happy she sure did have a tough time doing that for herself without a push. _More like a shove with a fucking wrecking ball over into the gran canyon._

''But you know Max, it's fine. I've learned to live with fact that I'll still be 70 years old at Crash trying to pick up chicks''. He said and let out what was a cross between a scoff and a sigh.

''It's probably best that you go, being open to someone takes a lot out of you, the first girl I said I love you to was in a fucking coma after I had tried to kill her father. I didn't understand. I never knew love like that and to be honest I thought it was her I'd never move on from''.

She looked up at him, lip still trembling, cheeks sucked in, but eyes as hard a stone. ''Turns out it was you id be dragging myself over''. He said locking eye contact.

Usually she would be freaking out, she had never even told Logan she loved him, it felt unnatural to say it to him. To be honest she never wanted to because she didn't.

''When did you know''? She asked looking away, her normal casual banter tone coming in her voice.

He chuckled lightly. ''I knew I liked the way you looked when I saw you at Manticore. I knew I had respect for you when you treated Joshua like a person, like he was ordinary. I knew I liked you when yelled at me for nearly killing Logan. Sorry by the way. I knew I loved you when you helped those Manticore kids; they were just that, kids and you treated them so kindly. Gave them names, protected them and I knew that was someone I admired and respected. While you hate Manticore you still carry the respect for others that they taught us like for fallen soldiers and shit''. He stepped forward and placed his right hand on her neck, resting between the junction where it connected to her shoulder.

''And I knew I'd never have you when you saved me. I knew no matter what I did for the rest of my life you'd be just like Rachel. You'd be there, always there somewhere in my mind but I'd never have you. Not really at least''.

He heart was skyrocketing, she thought she was having a heart attack or drowning. Breathing was shallow and his touch made her quiver all over. _All over? That's a lot of places Max._ Yeah, she internally concluded, all over. Then it was cold however they were end winter but all of his windows were closed. Air curled around the skin where his hand had been and she lowly cried at the loss of it. If he had noticed he didn't say anything. He just stared at her for a long time. Fucking hell if looks could kill, she probably would have dropped dead 20 minutes ago when his dark, almost raspy voice had echoed across his apartment. She had missed it. His voice not his apartment.

''I think you should go Max. I've done enough talking for a while. You know where I am if you ever need me''. He headed back to his TV, which continued to static. She dumbly nodded and turned to walk out wondering where her whole spiel about her feelings this and him that had gone.

''And Max'', he said looking at the TV, ''Incase you were wondering and I know at some point you will and I'm not prepared for you to come back her for another emotional psychologist visit'', he stalled. _This is it, this is where he tells you he hates you, and he never wants to see you again. You can't live with that._

''I still love you. I think I always will''.

''But please just leave me alone. It's hard for me to look at you and not want to punch a wall because I can't –'' he cut himself off and she took it as an invitation that this really was it for tonight. She closed his door behind her and exited the complex into the cold Seattle air, heading home to cry on OC's shoulder and stay up all night replaying everything in her mind again.

''I hate you too Max. I hate you so much it hurts''. He whispered to himself when he heard her bike fade out into the deep of Seattle city.


	6. Chapter Six

He had moved on from her or at least was beginning to. They worked together and their usual witty banter was back in full swing like the past 10 months didn't happen. Like he hadn't told her he loved her only 3 nights ago. He thought everything was working, falling back into his old routine of sleeping with any and every girl that was in his line of sight. Not that most of them minded they came home with him almost every time, except for the times he was just in a funk and messed it all up, sulking back to his apartment for a night alone. _Again. You're a sad excuse for a person. All you do is mope around feeling sorry for yourself drowning yourself in pussy. That won't make it better._ The voice in the back of his head was always cursing at himself. While he pushed Max out of his mind –which seemed like it was a 24/7 job even in his dreams, whenever she was around the felt like his insides were on fire. _That fucking cord. If only I had kept my mouth shut it wouldn't be like this._ It would coil up almost returning to its pre-snapped form until she was there and trust me, she was always there. It uncoiled again and the tendrils scratched at him under his skin, trying to get to her, his organs felt like they were being liquefied inside him. _She didn't mean what she said you know. You just had to go and kill yourself._

''Hey shut up''. He said aloud, the members of Jam Pony throwing him odd glances.

''What's wrong''? Her tiny, slender hand was perched up on his shoulder, her face coloured with concern.

''Come over here and let's talk''. She said so calmly; he felt comfort wrap around him and the pain deep down spiked again.

''I don't wanna sound crazy but, well first off I want to apologise for nearly killing myself over what you said. I know you didn't mean it. It hurt though but I took it too far. I just felt like I'd done nothing but drag you down ever since we met each other. I feel so pathetic, god the person who found me must have had a laugh''.

''Did anyone tell you who found you''? She questioned.

''No, no they didn't I think they were focused on me not dying''. He Chuckled remember doctor after doctor and nurse after nurse waltz in and out of his room. _But she never came_. No she didn't. The anger slowly boiled up and flushed his cheeks red.

''I found you''.

''I'm so sorry''.

''I never saw any drugs around you. I thought you were just sleeping''.

''That's because I drained every bag I got''.

There was an odd silence between them, broken when Normal came yelling at them to get back to work. They never discussed it again. It was the normal banter and name calling for the following weeks until she came to him frantic and desperate. Shit was going down now that the transgenic and Manticore identity had been revealed and the government was after them, not to mention White and his weird cult was still on their tail. Shacking up in TC preparing to fight, she needed space from Logan. Since their whole virus thing was cleared up and they were able to touch again she felt overwhelmed.

''He wont let me go – I need an out, I can't hurt him anymore _or myself._ Please just go along with this, it's better for everyone''.

''Everyone? Or you''? He questioned.

She glared at him. ''Is there a difference Alec''. She asked rhetorically.

''So he saw me leaving your new found home here and suspected that we were an item and you told him _yes_ ''.

''Yes''.

''And now you want me to go along with it like we're actually together''.

''I know you're slow but it's really not that hard of a concept to grasp''.

''Fine. Only because I hate him and it'll be fun to watch him squirm in his rich boy underwear''. The thought of Logan having a hissy fit over him being with Max was enough to plaster a smile across his face for the rest of the week. However it didn't seem that Logan had taken the hint that Max was off the market, which spiked up the voice. _She yours now, why is he still hanging around here? Around her? God he's pathetic. Just like you are, lying to yourself about all of this._

 _You're not ok._

They nearly blew their secret right out of the water when discussing about future plans to rally as many of Manticore's escaped and rally them together. Unbeatable supernatural forces they could take down anyone really. Hell he and Max could do it on their own they didn't need no Logan to help them. Across the living room of Max's new living quarters he saw Logan a little too close for his liking, a low growl emitted from his throat causing Max to look up from her papers. He walked over to her and stood behind her, placing his hands on her shoulders and kissed her cheek. _If only this was a normal routine for you, wouldn't you just love to take her to bed, kiss her bruises and scars, poor poor Alec, always never enough._

''You're looking a bit sweaty there…honey''. Max said.

''Well what can I say, your banter just gets me going sweetheart. When I said fuck me, before, I didn't mean literally…not that I mind''. He said lowly but Logan still hears it.

''Hey Alec, when did you know Max was the one''? Logan questioned his eyes stone cold, trying to catch their lie. He was good. But he was better.

''Yeah when did you know''? Max followed.

When I nearly tried to kill Logan here. First time outside Manticore. Your hair was messy and you were sweaty and frightened, the blush in your cheeks rose when you yelled. My god I thought you were pretty''. It wasn't exactly a lie. But the memory cut deep, his gut wrenched and Max must have felt it too.

''Cords. Silver Cords''. She whispered. _Cords? Oh god no, the snap, the pull._

''Cords? Max what cords? Is he hurting you''? Logan queried.

''Settle down buddy I'm not hurting her''. _If only you knew._

''You so much as make her shed one tear and I'll kill you. I'd never let you hurt my Maxie''. Logan said.

Rage pooled over Alec and he flared. ''Your Maxie? No she's mine, she made her choice. I'd never hurt her the only person I'm hurting is myself with this whole stupid –'' he cut himself short.

The rest of the day he had spent alone and later than night Max had seen him at Crash and informed him on all things Logan and how he's a pain in her ass. _That used to be you. How does it feel knowing you don't push her buttons anymore? You don't excite her anymore. She's bored with you…she'll leave. Just like the one before her, c'mon Alec, they always leave._


	7. Chapter Seven

She could tell something was wrong. New Years Eve and everything seemed fine but it just wasn't. They had kept up their charade of true love for at least two months now; she couldn't really remember will everything going on. But tonight she had given everyone a night off, to bring in the New Year and unwind before things got really heated. _Between the war or you and him._

They had come into such physical contact with each other during their act. Holding hands, his arm was usually firmly secured around her waist or shoulder and she had leaned into his touch graciously. They hadn't slept together, and everyone was wondering when, she was pretty sure there was a bet amongst her friends to see when they'd do it. Assholes. They hadn't even shared a kiss. She wasn't sure if it was pathetic and unconvincing or if she was doing herself a favour. The scratching cords seemed to disagree with her. They walked into crash holding hands and talking about how many drinks it would take to get a transgenic drunk and began to make a bet when he stopped and looked across the bar to another woman who seemed to recognise him too.

The blonde took one look at him and physically flinched before grabbing her belongings and rushing out of Crash…

''You wanna tell me what that was''?

''No not really''.

''Fine then I'll ask her''

''No wait –''

But she was already out the door following the short blonde into the warming Seattle breeze.

'You know him don't you? Why did you run from him''?

She shouted and the girl stopped turning around on her heels to face her.

''He just…we slept together''.

''And that's so bad how''?

''He was physically horrible''. By the confusion on her face the blonde continued.

''I think we both know he's not ugly'', _no he certainly is not_ … ''But during it he was fine in the beginning, caring, making sure I was okay, fun. But then something changed almost like he blacked out for the rest of it. I could feel it, he was angry so so angry and sad and lonely. I cried for him to stop but it's like he couldn't hear me. I know if he could he wouldn't have continued. It hurt; I was bleeding for a few days after it. I'm not angry at him, I think, or I like to believe that someone had really given it to him you know? Just ripped his heart out and stomped on it splattering it everywhere, I don't think he's picked up the rest of the pieces. I'm not sure he's even begun to. He fucked the angry out of himself that's for sure. I can't see him though, I know he'll feel worse that he probably already does''.

She nodded lowly before thanking the blonde and trailed back into Crash, it was almost countdown.

''He did say something weird though, at the end''. The blonde said drawing her attention back.

''Oh yeah? What was it''?

''He whispered it towards the end when he got to his lowest or highest point I'm not sure but he said Max over and over again. Does that mean something to you''?

She felt dizzy. ''No, no it doesn't I'm sorry''.

The blonde nodded and the two girls went their separate ways.

''We need to talk''.

''About what''?

''About you and you sex problem''.

''Excuse me''?

''Why did you call out my name''?

''When? There have been many of those times, usually not in a happy tone''.

''Oh when you fucked that blonde chick with the vampire teeth tattoo''.

''Oh, her and that well, you see, I, it was, I didn't mean…I don't know''.

''Don't fucking bullshit me here''. She was practically yelling now. He grabbed her arm and they headed out the back of Crash into a dingy alleyway.

''I can't explain it all right. I tuned everything out midway through it, when I came to – both figuratively and literally – I didn't even register the past 45 minutes. The girl was basically crying there was blood staining her sheets I went to leave and she asked me whom Max was. She told me I called you out multiple times. And she's not the first''. He whispered the last part and cursed transgenic hearing when she picked up on it.

''Oh so you've fucked your anger out with other women too. What can you possibly be angry about THIS time''.

''I'm not over you, god you really are dumb sometimes. I never did. I lied to you; I've been lying since you left my apartment two months ago. At the start I thought I was like maybe I wouldn't be constantly torturing myself over you, And then you asked me to pretend to be your boyfriend to warm off Logan and as a friend I wanted to help but then it became too real. Actually I don't think I was ever pretending I just told myself I was not to complicate anything. Which why I got all defensive on you when he accused me of hurting you. You have so much going on I didn't want to be just another thing on your plate''.

''So what're you trying to say''?

''I'm angry because I'm in love with you'', he placed a hand her to cheek, running his thumb over her cheekbone and jaw ''How could I not be for fuck's sake! I still can't have you, not how I want you and it ruins me, my lord Max all you do is just ruins me''.

At this point the tears had formed in his eyes and were falling down his face. He sighed in defeat.

''I just can't do this anymore. I know you'll never want me I'm not that pathetic to think I have a chance with you''.

Just as he was about to continue the back door swung open and Logan stepped outside.

''Oh there you are Max, everyone is looking for you the countdown is about to begin. Oh. I see you're with him''.

Logan stepped forward and placed a hand around her waist.

''Trouble in paradise'',

He could hear the joy and malice as Logan spoke.

''Fuck off man you have no idea what you're talking about''.

''Oh so you're not pretending to be into Max just so I'll stay away,''

Silence. ''As matter of fact. I'm not pretending. I've always loved her but I respected her too much to purposely ruin her life''.

Logan laughed. ''But that's all you ever did, it's all you ever do Alec you just ruin her life over and over again. As long as you're around she'll never be happy''.

Both men locked eye contact. ''You're right, I can't make her happy. Anyways the countdown is going to begin and I don't wanna ruin that for you too so I think maybe it's best I leave, leave Seattle for a while just until everyone has a game plan on what we're going to do with an impending potential war''.

 _No, you nearly left me once I ain't about to let it happen again she thought._ But she could see in his eyes his mind was made up. He opened the door and the collective of voices were counting back from 10, almost a new year.

 _10_

He stopped; maybe he had changed his mind.

 _9_

Come on Alec, fight here.

 _8_

Do something you ass

 _7_

He looked at her over his shoulder, a few more tears staining his cheeks

 _6_

He turned his head back and straightened up before walking back into crash. No goodbye.

 _5_

The door slammed against the bricks

 _4_

She stood there, her feet glued to the cement under her

 _3_

Do something you ass

 _2_

Just something

 _1_

That night Max had kissed him


	8. Chapter Eight

Logan had tasted exactly like he did the last time she had kissed him. Like sweat and cherries. Before it made her heart flutter and stomach twist in knots. Now the knots were bubbles of disgust. She pulled away and before Logan said anything she ran. To her apartment and locked the door she paced. Why did she kiss him? He was repulsive and _not Alec?_ Duh. What was the purpose of that kiss? Was she going to be like him and fuck her anger out, and di that even truly work? She doubted it, if it didn't work for Alec, it sure as shit wouldn't work for anyone else.

 _1:37am_ Jan 1st. Only just over an hour ago had died inside all over again. OC was probably out with some honey she found at crash and most likely was staying wit her.

 _1:38am_ minutes seemed like hours. Everything was a blurry haze, she felt like she was having an out of body experience but being completely aware of it. Was she really here on the Earth? There was a knock on her door. OC forgot her key again or Logan wants to revisit events of new years past. _Past?_ Yes, the past because he was nothing. She opened her door.

''Hi''.

''Hi, what do you want''?

''I couldn't leave, not yet anyways''.

''Oh''?

''Yeah, I figured I should apologise for earlier tonight and say goodbye properly''.

''How mature''.

''I have my special moments''. He smirked.

''Well apology accepted so…goodbye''.

''Goodbye Max''.

''Goodbye Alec''.

''I hate you''.

''I hate you too''.

''I love you''.

''I love you too''.

''I know, I just wanted to hear it at least once''.

''Was that your New Year wish''? She asked.

''You don't make wishes on New Years''.

''Oh''.

''Long time coming huh''. He said.

''I don't hurt anymore''. _Always lying._

''It pays to be honest''.

''Do you feel it''?

''The silver cord? Yes''.

''I remember the day it snapped''.

''Ah yes my death day''. He said.

''It pricked me every moment it got''.

''Mine was the day I said I love you and then kicked you out''. She smiled.

''Was charming''.

''I'm a gentleman''.

 _Silence_

''You reckon the cords are attached''? She asked.

''Always will be''. He stated.

''I like the idea of that''.

''Me too''.

''I'm not your soul mate Alec''.

''You're not mine Max''.

''Good''. _Not good Max, not good at all._

''Good''. _Not good Alec, not good at all._

''You should go, you seem ready''.

''I am now''.

 _Silence_ they just stood Max in her apartment and Alec in the hallway

''Can I kiss you?'' she asked quietly.

'Max, if you do I'll stay''.

''I know ''.

''I can't ''.

''Me neither''.

''Kiss me''. He said. _Make me stay Max, ask me to stay._

''But I—''.

''Please help me let you go''. _Ask me to stay…_

''I don't want to''. She said.

''We need to be happy''.

''I'm not happy Alec''. _Not without you._

''I know Max''.

''I'm sorry''.

''Don't be''.

''I am''.

''I know''.

''That easy to read''? She quipped.

''I just love you enough to tell''.

''I'll probably forget you''.

''When did you know''? He asked her.

''I knew I loved you when I couldn't see you in hospital, pain of what I'd done, I was empty without you''.

''That's morbid, finding love in a hospital''.

''Story for the grandkids''.

''Not ours''? He asked.

''No Alec''. _Yes, our children, our life. Don't leave me._

''Yes Max''. He understood perfectly.

''Will I ever see you again''?

''I can't say''. He wanted to say yes.

''I want to''.

''I'm hurting still''. _You were always hurting._

''Me too, I lied before''.

''Logan needs you''. _No you need me._

''But I need you''. She said.

''You never have''. It was true she had always been alone and when she wasn't it hadn't been the one to call on.

''I've always wanted''. She admitted.

''Alec''?

''Max''?

''I hate to love you''. She said.

''I love to hate you''. He said.

He had left seconds after and hoped on his bike, the roar of its engine headed down the back streets and into the city.

 _If only you had told him to stay…_

 _If only you had told her you wanted to stay…_


	9. Chapter Nine

They hadn't seen each other in months, not until she had to save another transgenic from White again, she didn't even know he was back in Seattle. They had both turned up at White's headquarters ready to save the trans, both unaware of the other until she punched him in the face.

''Oh god I'm so sorry I—Alec''?

''Hey Maxie. Way to make a good impression after all these months''. He said, blood dripping down his nose to his chin over his lips. She caught herself staring and so did he. She was _excited_ for lack of better word; the red staining his mouth was an odd turn on. _I can smell you_ he thought. And then cured Manticore and his DNA.

''Never knew blood was a thing for you, developed some kinks while I was gone''. He smirked and her chest tightened, she hadn't realised how much she had missed him until now. Sure after he left she had been angry, every now and then he would appear in her mind and her eyes would be clouded with tears. But she would fight them off and push him out of her head. He had made his choice, he didn't want her.

''How long have you been back''? She questioned as he wiped the blood on the back of his hand.

''You know I really would love to play catch up with you and we'll do that soon but right now there is another transgenic member in White's hands who needs our help''. She was stunned to say the least, usually he was the one who was distracting and procrastinating helping out her missions, but this time it was her. To be honest, she had forgot about her mission when she saw him again. He had grown taller, gained more upper body muscle and his facial features seemed more defined some how, his hair a few inches longer and curling over his forehead. He looked good. If she was to be 100% open she thought he looked hot as all hell. _I always did._

''Earth to Max, the mission''?

''Right right, let's go''.

Needless to say they kicked Whites ass and while defending her, Alec got shot twice – once in the stomach and above his left knee. Max had driven them back to her place, still in TC where he left her. He lighter than she expected, all muscle but no body fat. She dumped him on the couch and ran to her bathroom pulling out the first aid kit she kept in there. His blood was staining his clothes and no doubted her couch. That'd be a pain to clean in the morning. Kneeling by the couch in front of him she cut around his wounds making them more accessible to her, pulling out rubbing alcohol, cotton pads and a rag and needles and thread out of the white box she grabbed his hand.

''I'm not going to lie; this is going to fucking sting. Just squeeze my hand, break it if you have to. Ready''?

He nodded and gently squeezed her hand – which compared to his were small and fragile – pre-empting the pain. She poured the alcohol over his knee and he flinched forward in pain and low groan coming from his mouth before he slumped back against the couch. His knee was easy to clean and the only time she felt her hand about to snap was when she was stitching it and accidentally hit the bone. His stomach was much worse, but nearly a bottle of rubbing alcohol, 50 cotton pads and a bloody rag and needle he was healed and no longer bleeding himself dry. He has fallen asleep soon after; his body tired from getting shot at like a practice target. She had cleaned up the mess and packed away the kit, returning it to the bathroom.

She stared at him from the kitchen, watching his sleeping form intently as if she looked away for a second something would go wrong and he'd break. His bloody jeans and shirt plastered to his skin, outlining his muscular form, her breathing became shallow and warm flared up inside her. Under any other circumstances she would welcome the thought of how gorgeous he was, but now wasn't the time. Guilt plagued her. How could she be so selfish he had nearly died for who knows the how many-th times? _It's funny, this is the second time he's nearly died because of you isn't it?_ His sweaty, crumpled body on her couch reminded her of last year when he tried to take his own life. Put him on the floor and he would look exactly like she found him. She turned away and a strangled sob caught itself in her throat, tears tumbling down her face. My god, he had sacrificed so much for her, what had she done for him? Really what had she done? Continuously berated him, always thanking him sarcastically, telling him she didn't need him, kissing Logan for god's sake, and after she had dragged him into her mess with him and the transgenic's in TC. Then she had just let him go, like he wasn't important, like she couldn't care less. _And then he comes back and tries to help you after all this time and what happens Max? He almost dies._

She had slumped to the cold wood floor by the kitchen island clenching her chest; she couldn't breath, more tears and more sobs escaped from her. For the first time in a year she had let herself crack open, slowly and then all together like someone had smashed her open with a hammer like a piggy bank.

 _How could he have loved me? I'm so horrible?_

''Max''? A warm hand placed itself on her right shoulder.

''Maxie? Are you okay''? He asked softly, however groaning as he kneeled behind her. She turned to face him, not caring how vulnerable she was, and he was shocked. He'd never seen her so empty and so broken. It hurt him more than the bullet holes in his body, his love, his life, so confused and lost. She had stopped crying when he focused back on her face, her eyes red and cheeks wet. She was a mess, his mess, his beautiful little mess. She searched his eyes for something, anything behind the green she was drowning in.

Then they kissed and the world ended.


	10. Chapter Ten

It was nothing and everything all at the same time. Their hands were everywhere all too fast, but touching timidly, as if the other might shatter under their touch. His lips were cold and dry and hers were salty, but neither of them cared. They burned together, insides melting like acid, the coils unfolding all over again, the sensation pulling each other closer and closer. The unsprung coils inside them filled them with heaviness, an itch in the pit of their stomachs, their lungs pulling for air, the broke apart.

He was sticky. His body still covered in blood, some dried and some still fresh. They stood up from the floor, her legs weak, from crying, from his touch, she wasn't sure. Her eyes travelled to his sealed wounds, making sure the stitching hadn't torn. She tentatively bought her left hand to his lower abdomen and traced the pinched skin, he hissed lightly.

''Did I hurt you''? She asked pulling her hand away sharply.

''No, no. You're fine I'm just sensitive''. He rolled his eyes when she giggled.

''At least shower and clean yourself up, I'll get you a fresh shirt''. She said moving into her bedroom, guiding him with.

''I don't wanna walk around in some girly pink shirt Max''. He said as she turned the water on in the shower.

''Oh relax you big baby, I have a pile of old shirts from Joshua, one's that didn't fit him. You'll be fine''.

The shower was nice on his cold self. The water a deep red as he watched it circle around the drain, his body returning to its clean, tan state. The sting in his leg and torso were welcomed happily by him, and within minutes was gone. He rested his head against the tiles thinking about their kiss. _My oh my, finally you had the balls to do it. It was getting a little pathetic watching you pine after her from a distance all these months; you could have easily done something before you left you know._ His internal self was right. It was pretty pathetic, he was exactly like Logan, something he never wanted to be. Dancing around Max for more than a year, taking him to nearly die twice for them both to reach out and make a move. He was supposed to have game, supposed to be great with the ladies. _But Max is no lady_.

''Hey asshole stop running up my hot water and get out, I gotta shower too you know''. Ah yes, she is no lady. _No lady of yours…_

When he stepped out of the bathroom in a fresh shirt that had been overstretched by Joshua's huge form and his washed jeans, the hole brushing up against his knee, that would scar, he knew it. There was this smell, a sweet smell, almost like a candy store at set up shop in Max's home. He walked into the kitchen where she was stripped to her tank and briefs a pitcher of cold water next to her while she fanned herself.

''Is it just me or is Seattle's weather going haywire these days''. She asked him.

The closer he got to her the more stronger the scent became, sweeter and sweeter like his head was surrounded by cotton candy but all he could see was her. She looked at him curiously, he hadn't said a word and unless he's dying, he usually can't keep his mouth shut. _What is his deal? I get it, weird headspace after what happened but he doesn't have to look at me like I've got some sort of virus_. She internally chuckled at her comments.

''I'm fine, did you get some new air freshener or something? Smells different in here''. She sniffed the air and turned up her nose, it smelled sour like off-milk.

''Yeah it smells awful, I must forgotten to get fresh milk or something''. She said stalking over to the fridge and pulling out the carton. Nope, not expired for another 3 days.

Then it hit them, the sweet and sour contrasting smells, their scents, and her overheated skin. She was in heat and both of them knew nothing would end well if he stayed any longer than he needed to. So coming to the conclusion that its best for him to leave, he grabbed his torn shirt and leather jacket, calling Sketchy to come and pick him up and take him home. He turned to thank her for practically saving him. _It's all she ever does because all YOU do is fuck up_. They were flush up against each other, looking down at her, breathing her in and wrestling with himself. Dear lord how he would want nothing more than to show her what being with someone of her kind was really like. She wanted nothing more than to pull him inside and rip his clothes off and mark his flesh. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers for the second time that night.


	11. Chapter Eleven

They didn't sleep together. Her heat had taken control and they decided to stay apart after that night, and on opposite sides of Seattle just for extra measure until it was over. Which was easier said than done – everything was so confusing, he had left so abruptly when Sketchy had come to collect him from her apartment four nights ago. After their kiss – whichever one you wanted to think of neither of them knew where they stood with the other. What did it mean? Se hadn't even jumped anyone during her cycle like she normally would; she physically and emotionally ached for him.

She had gone over to his apartment when the confusion and second-guessing had gotten too much for her.

''I can't smell you, so I think your heat is over and we're safe''. He said taking a seat on his couch. She thought about how she had spent the last few days scrubbing the bloodstains out of her couch – she had to keep occupied between the cold showers and push-ups.

''So what do you want from me''? He asked startling her.

''I don't understand what you're asking''.

''I mean what do you want? When I was here all you did was hate me, no matter what I did, you never let me in on how you were feeling or thinking the whole time while I'm flooding my heart out to you. I haven't even seen you in months Max. I didn't know if you were dead or alive, or if you cared if I was''. He said, his voice slightly rising at the end.

''You're the one that left let me remind you''. She said matching his pitch.

''You didn't exactly ask me to stay!'' he yelled

''I'm sorry''

''You hurt me''.

''I didn't mean to!''

''Well you did''

'' You know it wasn't exactly peachy for me either''

''Could've fooled me''

''I said I love you what more did you want''?

''You also said that about Logan too. Honestly I thought you'd be with him by now''.

''No'', she said softer, ''I mean sure it was possible. There was no more virus but it just didn't seem right. Even though he's still on my ass about it''. She said.

They calmed down and moved into the kitchen. He grabbed them something to drink before he opened his mouth again.

''I don't want to be toyed with. I know what I want''. He said, She was silent.

''I know what I want but I'm not sure I really want it. I don't wanna walk on eggshells trying not to get you killed or say something and come home to you dead on the floor again''.

''I'm more mature now, back then I didn't know the world like I do now. I didn't understand I was still all Manticore. But now I do. I understand everything''. He got up from the kitchen stool and went to leave the room when she grabbed his arm and pulled him into a searing, burning kiss. They eventually fell asleep in his bed dreaming of happiness after the war.

They still didn't speak about it when they woke up, they had both been through hard times and mutually understood the other would need time to open up, time to internally deal with what they were feeling before they could express it out loud. Manticore never taught them hat and it's not something you can just learn. He had cradled her close to him while she had fits in her sleep, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead and guiding her breathing. She thanked him with breakfast of pancakes and quick kisses in the morning.

''So, how is this going to work, the leaving each others place thing''? She asked.

''I dunno, I mean I know its not like I can just leave your house holding your hand or my arm around you while we clock in for work''. He said.

''You're back at Jam Pony''?

''Normal loves me''. He said with a cocky grin.

''How about I leave first, considering its my place and stand on the corner watching the coast till its clear and page you when its safe to come out. Or we can just flaunt our undying love in front everyone. Either way works''. He said.

''I would love nothing more than to openly love you, but I can't even do that without having to wrestle my inner self. _The cords_ he thought.

''I think the paging idea works, won't be long until this war is in full swing and then I won't have time to answer people's silly questions about how I'm shaking up with. And it's also none of their business''.

Their plan had worked and they had walked into work without anyone batting an eyelash in their direction. And had made it even smoother into Crash that night. So did Logan.

Everyone had spent the night welcoming Alec back into Seattle and buying him rounds at the bar, Max was gazing at him from the pool table where she and OC were beating some bikers for all they're worth.

''So, I see you're back. Any specific reason why''? Logan asked.

''I guess I just missed this place'' Alec said.

Logan laughed. ''No one misses Seattle''.

''Well I did''.

''And it wasn't because of oh I dunno, Max''? Logan pressed.

''And if it was a factor''?

''Well I don't think I'd like it very much''.

''She's not yours you know. She chose me. She chose me a long time ago''.

''And then you left her, which makes her fair game''.

''She's not a piece of meat you know, she's a person. But for the record…she's mine''.

''Oh yeah? Then prove it''. Logan said.

Alec put his half empty beer down on the table and got up from his seat; he stalked over towards her at the table about to take the winning shot. He came up behind her, grabbed her hips hard and spun her around kissing her roughly, _mine_ he whispered to her, making his point to Logan burn into her skin. _Yours_ she breathed. He trailed kisses to her neck, collarbones and shoulder as his hands rested just under her jacket on her exposed flesh below her top. Her fingers rested in his hair before raking down his chest. Forgetting where they were they continued – turning off everyone else who eventually got over the shock and became bored. His left hand snapped her jeans open and slipped inside between her thighs. Shock registered briefly on his features before remembering where his hand rested.

''No underwear''?

''You mind''?

''I think its one of the sexiest things ever''.

She came on his fingers and him against his pants zipper. He removed his fingers slowly brushing against her again earning a breathy moan as they came down from their high and clasped her jeans back up. Everyone had left them alone, the music had blocked out their sounds, I guess the cat was out of the bag that they were involved. No one dared asked questions that night. He bought his fingers to his lips and traced the bruising forming on them before his tongue curled over the fingers that had been inside her moments ago and licked them dry while locking contact with her brown eyes.

She panted heavier at the sight of his messy hair, the sweat on his face and arms his fingers between his lips nearly made her come all over again. Then they separated and cleared their heads, bringing themselves back into reality. He ran out of Crash so fast she nearly fell as he dropped her from his waist and went back to his apartment before punching holes in the walls and crying himself softly to sleep, while she sat on the sticky floor in the back of Crash alone, confused.


	12. Chapter Twelve

He had cried himself to sleep over the next few nights; so many conflicting emotions swirled around inside him. Anger that Logan had gotten to him, Pride that he had shown Logan up and shoved a massive ''Fuck You'' down his throat. Happiness that she had responded back to him, Confusion on why she had responded in the first place. _Did that mean she liked it? That she likes me? Was it just physical or is this all just another game? Oh god I need help_. Sadness at the fact that not only he was unsure what happened at Crash meant to either himself or Max but he had so blatantly taken advantage of her, in front of everyone no less.

 _What kind of sick freak doesn't even ask for permission, animal?_

He continued to beat himself up everyday when he was alone in his room, curled up in loose clothing on his bed when his crying became more angry than sad and he was sweating profoundly at what he was feeling, like it was just trying to seep out from him. It was torturous to say the least. The days went by like a blink. Showed up to work and delivered as many packages as possible so he wouldn't have to see her, not really anyways. Of course he'd see her, he always did. Sometimes she'd even say hello before he ran out with more deliveries. Of course this put him in Normal's continuous good graces and when he felt like breaking down he was able to leave early. The nights were long. He didn't know why, he had kept himself busy by watching TV, pacing, listening to old records he found in the closet from the guy that lived here before him. He had tried working out, punching the shit out of the bag in his makeshift gym adjacent to his living room. Nothing worked however, what felt like a whole night to him was really only 10 minutes. He tried sleeping, but she would creep into his dreams waking him and the process of tear induced sleep cycle had started.

She had kept her distance from him, he was hurting and she could tell, but she just couldn't tell _why_. He had initiated everything and as a sex driven person like the next she responded. It was Alec for fuck's sake, who wouldn't respond. That made her worry, if he wasn't with her then who was he with? Girls like the blonde from the other night? She felt uneasy. He still had come into work though, making his way through the stacks of packages that need to be delivered to the happy citizens of Seattle. They had only exchanged one-word hellos and goodbyes with intense looks from across the workroom. It was worse when she came across Logan on her way to Sector 6.

''Hey Max''.

''Logan''.

''What's with the hostility''?

''Nothing, I just have a lot on my mind''.

''Well, I could always help you if you wanted''. He said suggestively.

She felt that same sickness and disgust crawl back up her throat and settled in the back of her mouth.

''I'm fine''.

''Oh that's right, you have Alec to keep you company now''. He spat out.

''To be quite frank with you, it's none of your business who I share my bed with and who I don't. Now get the fuck away from me for the billionth time. I'm over you I don't want you, I don't need you, I need Alec and by fucking damnit I'm going to get him''. She yelled at him.

He was silent for a minute or so. ''So Alec and you aren't together''? He questioned.

She simply rolled her eyes and sped off on her bike to his apartment, she was sick of this. All of this, running around each other, being afraid to say what they want to say and do. She needed to follow her own advice and not care what other people think, because it really wasn't their business and if the most productive way they could spend their time was bitching about her and Alec, well then they needed to find a better hobby. Outside his door she stood, she had pumped herself up the whole trip up the stairs, hyping up her confidence, practicing what she would say when he opened the door. _Would he just slam it in my face?_

But she stopped when she picked up on faint cries, and they were definitely coming from inside his apartment. She kicked the door in and franticly walked around checking the living room on instinct. When she followed them to his bedroom she practically broke inside, rushing to his side she removed her jacket and shook his arms.

''Hey, hey Alec? Hey, I need you to sit up for me, C'mon, up you get''. She repeated as she tried to wake him.

He rolled further into the mattress. ''Go away Max''. He said more harshly then he intended.

She snapped her hands back from his strong arms and he could feel her body shrink back from him, his instinct to protect her spiking up he rolled over and pushed himself up and hunched forward, almost resting his head against her shoulder.

She looked at him, all sullen and pale, his pillow wet like just face, his eyes red and tired. She could tell he hadn't slept and when he had, he hadn't slept well. She grabbed his left hand and locked fingers with his, resting it on her lap.

''I'm sorry Max. I'm so sorry''. He said in a small voice, laced with tears.

''For what''? She wasn't trying to get him to admit something or toy with him; she generally had no idea what he was banging on about.

''At Crash, for what happened. I know you said you wanted to keep everything a secret until the dramas of your life were over or at least settled down. I let Logan get to me and I forgot about what you wanted. I didn't even ask for your permission to touch you like that Max. How do you think that makes me feel''. He said.

She was surprised. _He thinks he what? Assaulted me?_ She couldn't fathom the words that had just come out of his mouth and sat there, processing in silence.

''You didn't do anything wrong Alec. Honestly'', she said while lifting his chin so he would look at her, ''I'm not angry with you, I don't feel violated or anything. While I didn't say it out loud, everything that happened at Crash – although very flaunting and attention drawing – was consensual''.

''C'mon Alec, you know me, if it wasn't I would have kicked your ass back to hell''.

He let out a small laugh because it was true, she would have killed him herself if she didn't want anything, and while that resolved his anger and sadness, the confusion still rolled around his head with all those questions.

''Okay, so if you liked it then what? Is that just something we do now? Just touch each other whenever we feel like it or for simple pleasure? I know you love me, but sex and emotion are different needs and I don't want anyone getting confused here''. He said more awake, voice returning to its deep tone that sent shivers up her spine.

She smiled at him and placed a small kiss on his lips in response. ''All love, it's all love. This isn't a game to me; I want you, all aspects of you, the needs the wants, and the arguments, the frustration. I wouldn't invest my time on you for all these years if I didn't''.

He smiled a big grin and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her down on the bed with him, resting against the pillows. They moved around a few times to get comfy, their bodies not perfectly fitting together.

After the smiles and giggles died down he looked at her.

''It's rude to stare''. She teased.

''I just…I just realised I don't know that much about you other than you're beautiful, you love me and also kick ass daily. Oh and you have a weird love obsession with your bike''.

''Huh, I guess I didn't think about that either. I mean our main common topic of conversations are Manticore and our fuming hate for Logan''.

''Well then, best you start finding about me sweetheart''. He whispered in her ear.

They spent the rest of the evening asking each other questions, about anything and everything to their favourite colour, which Max discovered that Alec's was soft blue and hers was blood red – to questions about the wildest fantasy they've ever had, of any nature. Alec has a real knack for punching people in the face as he once dreamed of breaking Hitler's nose.

He was in the kitchen while she had stumbled upon the stack of records by the player in the living room by the couch. Flipping through them she stopped on an old Elton John album and putting it on the song Rocket Man blasted around the small complex area.

''Elton huh''? He questioned.

''Yeah, you like Elton''?

''I could get into it''.

''This is my favourite song''. She said.

''And why's that my dear''.

''I don't know, I've heard it a few times and I just really like it. I like songs that can distract me, make me think of other places than here''.

''Like an escape''. He added, she nodded turning her back to him, slightly swaying to the song and tapping her hand against her hip.

''You know what my favourite distraction is''? He said.

''Ha-ha I think everyone in Seattle knows Alec''.

''It's thinking about you. What I wanna do to you, how I want to make you feel''.

He came up behind her and moved her hair over her shoulder, placing a soft kiss again her neck, breath ghosting over it making goose bumps crawl over her skin, he picked up on the reaction her body had and repeated his ministrations a few more times before she sighed, leaning her head back against him, he almost lost it at the open sign of submission, both in the human and animal world.

''And what exactly _do_ you think about''. She challenged him.

''My hands'', he said placing his rough, calloused hands against her skin above her hips, ''touching your body, pulling, pushing'', he said as his right hand slid up her shirt and rested against her bra, before slipping it round back and unclasping it, letting it hang loose from her shoulders. Her arms went up into the air above her head, signalling for him to take her shirt off. And he did just that; she let her bra fall to the floor with a soft drop. His hands returning to her hip and right breast.

''I think about our bodies, moving together, at all different kinds of paces until I hit that spot, oh so perfect spot inside you, waiting for you to beg me to move''. His right hand had begun to gently caress her breast before moving to the left one while is left hand travelled down between her pants, pushing them just past her hips before she got the hint, slipping out of her shoes clumsily and then followed with her pants, throwing them in a messy heap on the floor. She cursed herself for wearing her basic day-to-day underwear. He, however, didn't care what underwear she was wearing, just her being there, practically naked and beautiful than anyone else he's ever seen – and that's a lot of people – was enough to where if he was struck by lightning at that very moment and died, he would die a happy man.

''And then it builds and builds and you're so close…'' and then all of a sudden his hands slipped out of her underwear and away from her chest leaving her cold. Confused and sexually frustrated she turned to face him.

''What was that''?

''Its called teasing my love, something I'm very fond of doing''. He chuckled.

She stepped closer to him and slid her hands under his shirt resting about his neckline before she pushed herself flush against him and raked her nails down his chest, earning and satisfactory groan from him and his eyes fluttered closed in complete pleasure and happiness.

''You don't wanna do that Max''. He warned.

She didn't respond verbally, she slipped his grey shirt over his body and head before throwing it somewhere. Her hands rested above his belt buckle, fiddling with it for a bit by herself before lightly laughing at how hard it was to take off someone else's clothes. When it came undone and she slipped it around and off her left hand went passed the top of his underwear, lightly holding is hard self, letting her hand feel up and down a few times. _Manticore sure does make em' good_. His head lolled back up to the ceiling, heavy breath and heart racing, a few harsh hisses and groans escaping his lips as her hand just felt so…

And then it was over, his eyes opening, dazed.

''I see, nice game there Maxie, but I'm not mad. Do what you want''. He said. She was shocked, even in his lusted state he wanted to make sure she was comfortable when really he wanted to throw her over his shoulder, pin her to the bed and have his merry way with her for the rest of his life. _One can only continue dreaming_.

''Stop being so nice. Here, I'm giving you my whole 1000% consent to fuck me, just drop the sweet guy act for once. It getting on my nerves''. She said, putting her hands crossed over her chest.

He stared at her for what was only less than a minute before her lips were crushed against his, she could feel the bruises forming all over again. Picking her up by the waist he carried her over to his bed before throwing her down, her long hair in wild strands, chest heaving heavily. Licking his lips he leant down and crushed her lips with his again before moving on top of her. Slipping out of their remanning clothing, they grabbed at each other, grinding, moaning – loudly.

His hands running through her hair he pulled it hard, not caring if he had hurt her in that moment, changing it one way to the other depending on where he decided to kiss on her neck, leaving hickies across her jugular and collarbones. Her hips bucked up to meet his and in retaliation he bit her shoulder hard, tasting blood and saliva swirling in his mouth, pulling away to look at her, her eyes dilating wide when she saw the small spots of red on the corner of his mouth.

''Oh that's right Max, blood's a thing for you''. He said huskily before kissing her, letting her taste her own self on her tongue.

The rest of the night he spent inside her, one way and the other before she came, she bit him hard earning a mix of groan and sigh from Alec, sending him over the edge with her, biting her again in the same spot as before, before crawling under the covers and falling asleep, him on his stomach, left arm draped protectively over her curled up form. Both smiling.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

They weren't sure when everything had changed, it certainly wasn't' after the night of sex. Maybe it was when she left and felt empty without him by her side. Maybe it was when he nearly snapped some guy's neck for talking to her. Maybe it was when they fought, they started fighting about their lives and their future, which sometimes startled them because when had their separate lives melded together? Since when did ''I'' become ''we'' or ''us''? Sometimes they liked the idea of moving somewhere else away from the shit hole they were currently in, buying a house together where the whether is nice, having a kid or two. They talked about it that's for sure and Alec always pressed for her to come with him right then and there, forget about everyone here and Seattle as a whole. Go to Canada and live in safety, but she always refused and told him she was needed. It mostly broke his heart that she was so unselfish; she had never done anything for herself. _Not even letting you die to be with Logan_ he thought. _But thank fucking god am I right?_ It was also one of the reason's he loved her so much, the fact that she was willing to put everyone before herself.

The threat on transgenic's became more and more on the members of Seattle as bodies started turning up and bombs started being dropped, some of them went missing and others were on the run. To say it terrified them was the littlest to say the least. They were sure that any day they were going to die, she was sure of it. As the body count grew higher so did Alec's concern for their lives.

''Max you can't save everyone''.

''But I can damn well try Alec''. She yelled.

''I know and I love that, I do, trust me there is nothing sexier than a woman in control…but I think you're putting too much of this on yourself''.

''I'm the one that let them go, this is all my fault''.

''It's not. You wanted better for everyone, there is nothing wrong with that. Plus if they had stayed they would all be dead, Joshua included''. He made a fair point.

She sighed. ''I just don't want you to risk everything you've got because you feel like you owe them something, it's not your fault that people are scared. They just don't understand'', he rubbed her slower back, ''Please just come with me to Canada, we could find somewhere really nice''.

''And you would know''.

''Uh, no clue actually''.

''But you left—''

''I never left. I couldn't just leave you''.

She was angry, but these days she was angry about everything and he didn't really do anything wrong, just creepily watch her from afar for nearly another year.

''Okay'', she said, ''I'll go with you''.

''Really? You'll do it Max? You'll come with me, stay safe and live a full life''. He said.

''Yes, just let me say goodbye to Joshua and OC''.

''Okay, I'm going to stop by the cemetery. Before we go I need to see him, say goodbye and thank you''. He said.

Max nodded. During an attack Sketchy got caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time and didn't make it out alive. Alec didn't go to the funeral, hadn't go anywhere near his burial since. Rarely ever talked about him and when someone else did he cut them off and buried himself in whatever work Max had given him, rationing food, cleaning new transgenic's that came through, etc.

''Hey man. Long time no see…or speak. God this is so weird, I don't really know how to do this. It's my entire fault though, I should have told you who I was or more like what I am. Maybe if you had known you could've prepared for it or I dunno, something. I miss you dude. I'm going to Canada with Max, she's really mine now- well not like possession mine but you know like _mine_. I really love her Sketch, I'm sorry you're not here to know what it feels like but its incredible''. He said tears pooling in his eyes.

''You know, in Manticore we never had friends or family, we were soldiers with a purpose. I never really got along with any of the other guys there. But when I left and met you that changed. You're like – no, you ARE my brother. I never knew what it was like to have one, how to be one. I wished I could've done better to protect you little brother. Maybe with Max I can fix that. Save her like I couldn't you. Oh god, Sketch I'm so sorry. I – I love you man''. He said as he stood up from the grass.

''I'll see you soon brother. I'll come home to you one day and you can tell me all about the rock legends you've met and hot girls you'll never get''. He let out a small laugh and walked away when he hear Max pull up behind him on her bike, two duffle bags filled with papers and the minimal to help get them settled.

They arrived at the border, slowing down Alec got off the back and picked up his bag heading towards the gate.

''Max"?

He didn't need her to say anything; he knew her well, too well. She wasn't coming with him, but she wouldn't let him come back with her. She stayed as she watched him cross the border gate.

''I hate to love you Alec''.

''I love to hate you Max''.

And his leading lady drove back into Seattle to save the world, but he wasn't sure how he'd fix himself.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

Canada was colder than she expected. There was more snow than what the pictures had depicted. The war was over now, humans and transgenic's were able to live peacefully together now, White and his cult were turned in to the authorities and was shut down and the threats against her kind were basically finished with except for the odd attack in the middle of the night every now and then, but for the most part, everything in Seattle was turning up peachy. _Almost everything._ It had been 7 months since she had last seen Alec. He wrote her a postcard every week for the first 5 months but suddenly stopped, maybe he gave up when he realised she'd never reply.

Crossing into the town with her bike she stopped at a local information centre and held out the postcard with Alec's address on it. She asked the kind lady at the desk how to get there and after a few minutes of pulling up map directions Max was back on her bike. The engine rumbled to a slow stop outside the house. He heart sank when she saw it. White house, white fence, flower garden out front and polished wood door sparkling against the sun. It was the house they had talked about growing old in. _I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be here_. Swallowing whatever pride she had left, she hoped off her bike and knocked on the front door. When there was no immediate response she went to turn when the door opened. A brown-haired lady, about 30 years older than Max answered.

''Hi dear, can I help you with something''?

''Uh, yeah I have an old…friend who sent me this postcard two months ago. It had this address on it and I figured I'd come see if he was still here but it doesn't look like it''.

''You're looking for Mr McDowell''?

''Yeah, Alec''.

''Didn't anyone tell you''?

''Tell me what''?

''Mr – Alec, got really sick about two months back, horrible really, constantly throwing up, lost so much weight because he simply couldn't eat anything. He lost movement in his body a couple of times. He kept refusing to go the hospital without someone, Max? I think was her name. Eventually he stopped breathing during the middle of the night. I called and had him checked into the hospital. He's lucky he's still alive. Alive, but not well''.

''Which hospital is that exactly and also who are you''? Max asked.

''The one just two blocks from here, and I'm his carer, who are you''?

''I'm Max''.

Major flashbacks set in for her and she parked outside the hospital. It was like yesterday but three years ago she was outside the hospital in Seattle walking in to see Alec. Or not see him. But this time was going to be different.

''Max''?

''Alec''?

''What're you doing here''?

''I'm here to see you. What're you doing with coffee and bagels''?

''I'm taking them in to the other McDowell who apparently lives in Canada''.

''Oh thank god, I thought, I went by your house and the carer. I thought it was you''. She said running up and throwing her arms around him. She felt no movement from him, she pulled back to see his face and that's when he pulled her hands free from around him, setting her back on flat feet.

''You can't just turn up like this Max. It's not fair''.

''I know but I –''

''No that's exactly it, you don't know. I've done nothing but drive myself silly trying to get over you, forget you, and not need you. I thought talking about it to the old man would do me a solid but it just made it more painful. Stupid fella wouldn't go to the hospital till you came to be with me''.

''You mean all this time you haven't been with anyone else? At all''?

''I've wanted to; sometimes I tried to force myself to want other people. It worked almost except I couldn't get it up unless I thought about you and I figured that would be unfair to the other lady and to you, and I don't know why I care because all you do is love me and leave me and i—''.

He was cut off by her placing her lips on his.

''You talk too much''. She said.

Dropping the coffee and bagels on the asphalt he picked her up and kissed her hard, missing the way she always tasted sweet, he never knew how, but she did.

''I love you Alec. I should have never left, the things I saw, the people I've lost''.

''The people we've lost. Its us now, whatever you go through I'm going to go through it too. But if you ever leave me again by god I swear I'll -''

She kissed him again, the pulled away giggling. ''Talk too much''? He said, she simply nodded.

They got fresh coffee and bagels from the hospital cafeteria and went to see the old dying man; Alec wanted him to meet Max before the guy died. Alec and Alec? Talk about confusing.

''Sir, this is Max. Max this is the other Alec''.

The old man was in a coma, on life-support, which Alec had told Max, in the next few days he would be taken off of.

''What does he have''? She asked.

''They don't really know, it's a bit of everything some big biochemical sickness going through the air in industrial places, which here in Canada is almost everywhere''. He told her.

They spend the afternoon sitting with the man talking between the two playing catch up on the last 7 months. Max told Alec how Logan and Joshua didn't make it out of the war, neither did Gem, Biggs or CeCe as well as a lot of the children. He asked here OC went, she had told him that OC left for New York as soon as Max told her it was safe. Sure buried their friends next to Sketchy's grave, Max said she wanted to keep them together, so they didn't have to go into the afterlife alone. Alec told Max about how he came across the old guy, he tried to apply for a credit card and bank loan to buy a house but was denied because people thought he was trying to steal off the old dude. Then the guys bonded and he had stayed to help Maggie – the carer – take care of him when she had other places to be.

It was late at night and the nurse told them visiting hours were up and they had to go. Alec said goodbye and went to go sign them out.

''I want to thank you for looking after him. I know it may not seem like you did much but in my eyes you did everything I wasn't able to. You were there for him and I take it he really needed that'', she touch his hand, ''He's a good kid, and I worried about him for so long. He cares about you. I know because that's how I feel about him ha-ha. Anyways, I just wanted to say that, I'm happy he had someone here with him. And if you could drop off a message to a dog-man named Joshua from me that would be great''. She kissed the top of the mans head and walked out.

Later that night at a local motel Alec had gotten the call that old Alec had passed away in his sleep. Max held Alec for the early hours of the morning as he cried and held his hand the next day when they put him in the ground.

Months passed by now and it was getting close to Christmas time. Stores and houses were decorated with lights and tinsel and plastic snowmen on rooftops while children from the local school choir sang carols outside their house. They had bough old Alec's house from the bank and set up a home. They were happy, they truly were. Max had the best gift for him too; she was five months pregnant with a baby boy. It was hard for her not to let the secret out but she wanted to see his face on Christmas day.

''You're acting really strange there love''. He said.

''I'm trying to fix this stupid part of this dumb fake tree in''.

''It goes like this Maxie''. Alec said turning the piece the other way round.

''Thank you''. She said while coughing.

''You all right''?

''Yeah just a tickle in the back of my throat that's all, probably inhaled too much tinsel'', she coughed again, ''and can you grab me some water please''.

The coughing continued on for the next few days and while Alec became concerned Max waved it off and Canadian Air and that she wasn't all that used to it yet, her body probably isn't sure what to make of clean air compared to the filth in TC. He had let it go because there was just no arguing with her and he didn't want to piss her off before Christmas Day. He was finally going to ask her to marry him. He was nervous as all hell. _What if she says no? Will she say no? Wait, what if she says yes?_

Christmas Eve they went to bed ready to share their secret with the other when he woke up in the middle of the night from another nightmare. Usually she wakes up with him, something physical tells her to but tonight she didn't and red flags started popping up.

''Hey Max''?

He crawled over to the other side, kneeling in front of her. He body pale and covered in sweat, throw up covering her side of the bed, how he hadn't heard her being sick he didn't know. Picking her up he put her in the car and drove to the hospital checking her in to emergency. Watching her being wheeled away he dropped to his knees and prayed to the angels that she would be ok.

Alec figured angels didn't exist. The doctor had come back to tell him that Max was sick – dying in fact which is almost impossible considering how Manticore made them. She had contracted the same virus that old Alec had; I guess Manticore didn't prepare their bodies for that one.

''Is there anything we can do Doc? It's still in it's early stages right''? Alec asked.

''That's the thing, this virus continues to grow rapidly, increasing the symptoms and reducing their lives''.

''Their''? Alec questioned.

The doctor just chuckled. ''C'mon man, I know it's stressful and I can't imagine watching your loved ones die but how could you forget about your own son''.

Time stood still and everything went silent. _Son_. He was going to be a dad. He and Max, parents and to a little boy. He smiled big and happiness swelled until time unfroze and sound flooded back. They were dying. There was no way they would both make it. The doctor had said five months is too early to remove the baby and either way he would die with Max. A few days later Alec returned to the hospital to keep an eye on her, watching her as she lay there in her comatose state wondering if she would ever wake up. It was Christmas today and boy he sure was hoping for a miracle.

''I was going to ask you something today, something really important. Kind of a wasted effort now because, well, you can't say anything back to me. I don't even know if you can hear me right now. I just need you to wake up, to fight, and to get better for us. For our son, Max. If not for me then for him. Also when were you going to tell me? I wouldn't picked up on it as soon as you started showing you know''. He laughed lightly at the thought of Max pretending she wasn't pregnant for five months and slapping him when he called her ''Big''.

He got down by her bed and held her hand tightly like he did when she was cleaning his bullet wounds. Instinctively his hand rested on the scar on his torso.

''I really need you to not die on me okay? I love you too much to just let you go. You're the best and worst thing that has ever happened to me and I'm kicking myself for not realising sooner how much I wanted you in my life. How much I love you''. Tears dripped down his face and landed on his jeans, head hanging down when he felt her hand twitch, once, and then a few more times.

''Alec''? Came her voice, but it wasn't her voice. It was weak and breathy like she had just run half way across the world.

''Hey, hey I'm here, I'm here. Merry Christmas''.

She smiled. ''Merry Christmas. I have something to tell you''. She said in between big breaths. ''We're having a son''.

''I know Max. I know''.

''You don't look so happy''?

''I am. Of course I am, this is all I've ever wanted''. He lied. He didn't want it, not like this.

''What was it''? She said,

''What''?

''What you were going to ask me today''.

''You heard that''? She nodded.

''Well, I was going to ask you…to marry me''. He said pulling out the silver ring from his back pocket. It was simple like her, a silver band with a red gem in the middle.

''Yes''. She said.

''Ha-ha I didn't ask you''.

''Well I don't care, my answer is yes''.

And an hour later they were married.

''Wife. You are now my _wife_ ''.

''Yes and you're my husband, that's usually how it goes''.

''I just never thought I'd be here, with you, like this, married…. happy''.

They had spent the evening talking about what their son would look like. What colour hair he would have and what kind of eyes he'd inhabit until they fell asleep on her bed under the warm blankets. Alec was jerked awake and dragged off of the bed and pushed outside the door by a group of nurses, a high-pitched noise in a solid note played across the room and into the hallway. It was hard to see exactly what was happening, there were nurses and doctors and medical equipment everywhere and then it clicked and he thrashed again the people surrounding him until he broke free and ran to her, throwing his body of hers.

''No, no, no! Not you, not my Maxie. C'mon just wake up for me sweetheart, please. No, no, no. I can't – this isn't. I refuse to let you go''. He clung to her body while the nurses pulled at his arms and clothes to bring him back outside.

''Do something'', he said looking at the doctor, '' why aren't you doing anything? You can't let her die, so help me god if you let hER DIE I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF. YOU HEAR ME''? Alec was dragged back out the door into the hallway shouting, arms being held behind him by at least 4 people.

A few minutes later everyone had cleared out. He dropped to his knees hands clasped under his chin and prayed to the angels once more that they would help his wife and son gracefully into the afterlife.

He sat on the wet grass talking about his day. The post office was a slow shift and he had once again beat out some passer-byes for their money at pool in a local bar. He painted the nursery blue that day too and still hadn't taken down the Christmas tree.

 _You like Elton?_

 _Yeah, this is my favourite song._

 _And why's that?_

 _I just like songs that can distract me, take me somewhere else._

''Well I must go, plans to finish and things to do. I'll see you soon though Max. Really soon.

At midnight that night, gun raised to his head, he pulled the trigger and Max woke up.

It was all just a bad dream. Sweating all over herself and drenching the bed she got up and opened up a window letting the cool air hit her skin, he breathing coming back down to normal. That was the weirdest dream she'd ever had, and so vivid too, and about _Alec_ of all people. But the more she thought about her dream, the less crazy it sounded. In her head anyways. Was it really just a dream or was this her subconscious trying to tell her something, he instincts had never been wrong before so why would they start now.

''Hey, are you all right? Come back to bed''. Logan said behind her.

''Can't. I can't do this. This isn't right I don't belong with you I – oh my god. I don't love you, I love Alec''.

''Max, where is this coming from? You're just tired come get some rest and you'll feel better in the morning''.

But she had already left his apartment to go find Alec. If her dream were anything like the real thing she wouldn't let that happen, she wouldn't let him get away from her. _You've already driven him away remember? You told him so yesterday…_

She ran to the shady complex in TC and ran to the fourth floor – she counted it this time and busted down the door, there, on the couch was a very conscious Alec who had a bunch of plastic bags filled with all those drugs he got his dirty little hands on.

''Max? What're you doing here''?

''Saving your life. You're not taking those''.

''Why not, you don't want me here anyways''.

''I lied. I do want you here, I need you here Alec. I love you''.

''Really? You're not just fucking with me some more are you"? He questioned.

''All love Alec, it's all love''.

Both pulled away from their kiss as small footsteps sounded from the ground.

''Daddy''.

''Hey buddy, glad to finally meet you''.

''Mummy missed you''.

''I missed mummy, son'', he looked at the little boy with brown hair and green eyes. ''And I've missed you too''.

Heaven sure did make the entry from death a sweet one.

Max took his hand. ''Welcome home Alec. Welcome home''.


	15. Chapter Fifteen

She hadn't been here in such a long time, compared to where she was now it was like this place was fake, almost like she hadn't spent most of her life here. Things were in ruins but that shouldn't surprise her, they were like that when she left.

''And here we have a burial site of nine soldiers in the war''. _War._ It seemed so long ago now, but she felt like only yesterday she was delivering packages to the loving people of Seattle and getting yelled at by Normal at Jam Pony. _I wonder where he's at now_.

The little boy ran up to the guarded graves, trying to peer over the fence at the names.

''Mummy, look''! He said pointing.

''What is it baby''?

''People''. He continued pointing at the graves.

Scooping him up in her arms she turned back to the guide group looking for her wife, who was nose deep in her notebook jotting down whatever important facts would be published in next weeks article. The boy struggled against her hold, grasping to get back over to the graves as the lady continued speaking.

''These soldiers were supposedly the leaders to the freedom we have here in Seattle today. They gave their lives so that we could live in peace and not face prejudice or know the feeling of fear. Every year we come down here to the square and remember those who bravely died''. The lady with the green skin and cat whiskers said, hanging her head in respect.

''Anyways'', she said in a happy-go-lucky-tone like the last minute didn't just happen, ''We call the square Aax Square after these two here''. The guide pointed to the headstones towards the end, they hadn't been there long, at least 20 years if she had to guess; they weren't as cracked and dirty as the others.

''If we could please refrain from taking pictures of this sacred ground Seattle Tours Daily would happily appreciate that.

''Who are they mummy''? The little boy asked.

She had to squint really tight, even pressed up against the fence the names were faded but once she saw them she felt as though her blood turned into ice and she stood still, until the tugging on her sleeve brought her back out of her daze.

''Mummy''? The boy asked again.

''Yeah baby, I did know them, a long time ago''.

''Do you miss them''?

''Everyday sugar'', she said solemnly, ''C'mon lets get back to mamma''. She picked up her son, with chocolate skin just like hers and headed over to her wife, who had on briefly lifted her head to give OC a tender kiss.

As the tour moved forwards, heading into the heart of the city, OC looked back a tear falling down her face. From left to right she could clearly see the names now. Why hadn't anyone told her? I guess there was no one _to_ tell her. Not anymore.

 _Max_

 _-2009_

 _December 25_ _th_ _2012_

 _Alec_

 _-2009_

 _December 30_ _th_ _2012_

 _Logan Cale_

 _February 19_ _th_ _2001_

 _April 12_ _th_ _2012_

 _Joshua_

 _-2009_

 _June 23_ _rd_ _2012_

She felt the tugging on her sleeve again and followed her son back to the guide group, looking over the rest of the now unfamiliar Seattle as if only a distant memory and waited patiently for her flight back home to New York in the morning.

 _The end….._


	16. Chapter Sixteen

''Nice story Sketch, but next time if you're going to lie about some dream you had at least make it believable''. Alec said.

''Or at least interesting'', Max said turning to her locker in Jam Pony, ''I mean Alec and I? The most that would happen with that boy is casual sex, not falling hopelessly in love and dying for each other''. She said shutting her locker and facing the small group of Alec himself, Sketchy, OC and Normal.

Did she seriously just say that out loud? Kill herself now.

''Need me to get your rocks off''? Alec questioned with the smirk that, recently, made her skin hot and her legs tingle.

She was tired of playing it safe all the time, look where it had gotten her with her relationships. She and Logan pretty much couldn't do anything with each other – the only part of Sketchy's story she liked was the part where they found a cure – and with Manticore that'd gone down faster than the Titanic. Joshua too, her playing it safe meant he was to stay inside at all costs. She realised he made him trade one cell for another.

''I don't totally hate the idea''. She admitted. Of course in the beginning when she had come to that realisation it wasn't all rosy, she had very confused feelings about it. When did the attraction begin? WHY did the attraction begin in the first place anyways? Had he always been so good looking? The last question was a bit stupid; of course he'd always been that hot. Manticore made them well. She should know.

''Gross, that's enough back to work. You guys make me sick, between Sketchy's weird dreams and Max's sexual fantasies, I need to take a nap…'' Normal said.

And with that the crowd of workers cheered as Normal told them to get out before closing up shop. The gang decided to head to Crash for the night, actually their first night out in a long time. Unlike the dream there was no impending war and White had already been taken care of, Manticore's secret was burned and buried and whenever one of their creations was found wandering Seattle, Max and Alec usually cleaned them up, helped them secure a safe hiding place and dropped provisions by every month. I guess their individual lives were busy. Max and Logan trying to find a cure, OC and Alec bonding over girls they'd like to fuck, and then spending their nights doing just that. Separately of course. And Sketchy, well he'd been off in dreamland it seemed. But tonight there was nothing going on, nothing they needed to attend to, except each other. And Alec was going to do just that. With Max's sudden revelation that she wouldn't vomit or be 100% disgusted with the idea of him making her shake and scream underneath him, he decided to push her buttons on the topic because well, he didn't get his name for nothing.

Sitting at the bar while OC and Sketchy went to play a round of pool, he watched as she flipped her long black hair over her shoulder and ordered a beer.

''Make that two''. He said. She turned over her shoulder and glared at him.

Flashing his trademark grin he said ''So, about your little confession at work today…''

''If you say anything you're 100% sure of I won't like, then don't say it. Otherwise I will kill you''.

His expression softened. ''Hey'', he said gently, ''I know I'm a total dick, and I know I sometimes make your life hell but I was simply just trying tell you that it's good to see you letting go a little bit. I've seen the small changes over the past few weeks you know, you just becoming Max I guess. I wasn't going to tease you or make you feel uncomfortable about what you want''. He said taking a mouthful of beer.

''Despite what you popularly believe, I've never been one to make someone feel bad for what they want. Whether that be a career, a family, or even someone to have sex with – whoever that person may be''. There was silence between the two of them for a while, both not able to look at each other, drinking mouthful after mouthful of beer.

''God, I'm like the sissy version of myself from Sketchy's dream''. He said, laughing. Max figured it was more at him than anything. After finishing his fourth beer of the night, he slapped down a 50 on the bar and got up and headed out of crash. Max still hadn't said anything to him, it was hard to comprehend, this version of him, it was kind of like the one in Sketchy's dream, and considering how that all went down that somehow terrified her. _I could never be in love with Alec, I love Logan, that's how this all started remember? Yes, yes Max. It's Al-Logan. Logan._

While the continuous thought of her and Alec being anymore than friends made her want to rip her brain out so she didn't have to think about it anymore, her body didn't feel the same. She didn't feel sick about the thought, and while it was beyond sleeping with him – she really had meant what she said at Jam Pony – the thoughts of actually BEING with him like how she was with Logan, in her mind she hated it. Hated all aspects of it and rationed that they wouldn't work, he's too lazy and carefree and she's too stubborn. It wasn't a simple case of opposites attract it was more than that; they really were too different people. She and him had no commo interests other than Manticore and after their experiences there I doubt either one of them would want to sit up all night telling horror stories about what Renfro did to them. But then again, he was the only one who could really relate, X-5 to X5-5. Not to mention Rachel? That boy would never get over her, he pretty much said so one night when they were working overtime and she pushed his buttons – as usual – and he snapped and told her Rachel was the love of his life, he'd never fall for anyone like that again. And she could understand his pain, after being taken back to Manticore, Max wondered if Logan was doing all right. If they had killed him yet or if he was dumb enough to do something to try and be noble and offed himself. God Logan really was stupid about high-risk situations.

After finishing her seventh beer – and of course not drunk at all, not even tipsy – she ordered another one and continued her train of thought. _He's a total asshole; he's selfish and never thinks about anyone else. Although when I first entered the world I was like that too._ She came to the tiny conclusion that he wasn't AS awful as she acted like he was, but he made a very valid point he did make her life hell sometimes. But she wasn't that fair on him either. Oh god this _was_ like that dream. The weirdest dream anyone has ever had, at least that Max knew of. If she had anything to do with it nothing would happen like that story, not at all, over her dead body. But she did admit that it wouldn't be so horrible if they touched skin in his bed, and if she was being honest, which of late it seemed, was all the time, she really wouldn't hate it. REALLY wouldn't hate it. _How could I hate THAT? Logan and I can't touch, and I've been lacking in the bedroom department. Alec isn't ugly, god no he is not._ She thought while she remembered that time in Manticore when they were breeding partner and he took his shirt off, the first time she'd seen other person's flesh. Dear lord, she felt hot, maybe it was the memory of a shirtless Alec, who was covered in sweat or all the alcohol she had consumed but she did feel bad about how her interaction with him had gone down.

She knew the route to his apartment off by heart; they'd spent many nights there arguing about well, just about everything really. She knocked on his door and waited a few minutes. There was dead silence and she was about to leave thinking he must have gone to bed when he spoke from the other side of the door.

''Geez Max would you just leave already''? He said, before opening the door.

''I just came to –''

''Yeah yeah I know what you came to do. Yell at me some more, tell me I'm a coward, all I do is fuck things up, blah, blah. It's routine now Max and I'm tired of it so if you don't mind just this once I don't wanna participate''. He said walking away.

She stepped inside his apartment, closed the door behind herself and followed him in to his room. ''I just came by to apologise for earlier and well, for everything really. I know i haven't exactly been the kindest person to you''.

''Look, I accept that half-assed, guilt laced apology. I'm about to go to bed so I can please just do that. It's been a really long day''. He said. She stood by the doorway watching him as he stripped out of his clothes. Heat flared up inside her, blood rushing to her cheeks and her hands became clammy. He was a sight that's for sure, just standing there in baggy cotton pants and white tank, not even Logan looked _this_ good. Max didn't think he ever had.

''Max? Are you all right? What're you still doing here''? He questioned.

''Uh…I dunno, guess I just zoned out for a bit there. Sorry''.

''No no it's cool Max'', he laughed lightly, ''You're more than welcome to stay''.

''You sure about that''?

''Well, I know you want to fuck me, so if you can keep your hands to yourself and stay on the other side of the bed then it should be no problem''. He said.

''As if you don't want me too''. She claimed, moving to the other side of his bed, sitting down and removing her shoes and socks before standing back up again to take off her jacket.

She could feel his eyes on her; she could tell he was trying hard not to stare. _I knew it._ She thought with a smirk. Deciding that they would probably both benefit from some sort of…comfort? No. Teasing? Possibly. She decided to remove her clothes slowly and painfully. Dropping her dirty shirt to the floor she hooked her fingers into her waistband and slid her cargo pants down her thighs, stepping out of them one leg at a time before discarding them on the ground next to the rest of her clothes. She heard him take in a long breath before averting his eyes.

Climbing into bed on the opposite side to him she rested her head and bunched the covers up around her chest. For some reason she couldn't sleep, which was unusual because she was always out like a light as soon as her head hit the pillow. And it certainly his bed because she'd never been in anything more comfortable, but she could feel the heat radiating from his body, it made her feel almost _safe_. Then she scolded herself because he was annoying and childish. How many other girls slept right where she is, she thought.

''Not many actually, since leaving Manticore for almost 2 years I've only ever really slept with 3 girls. The rest I just make out with until she falls asleep on my couch or I freak and bail''. He said, voice deep and husky. Was that a turn on?

''Saying my thoughts out loud again''?

''Yeah''. He chuckled. They rolled over to face each other in the middle.

Her messy bed head and olive skin in the small light was more beautiful than anything he had ever seen. _Except Rachel…right?_ Yeah, except for Rachel.

''You know I really am sorry about before at Crash, I didn't mean to jump to conclusions like how I usually would''. She said.

''It's okay Max, really. I'm not mad, it was just getting I dunno, I just. I've been changing a lot you know because I don't want to be that asshole guy forever. Made me feel like you thought I still the same old me. It hurt for some reason''. He said.

''Thanks for letting me stay. What time is it like 2:30am''?

''Probably ha-ha''.

''And you can stay anytime you need to. Just don't tease me like that again with the whole taking off the clothes slowly thing. I was in some serious pain with that one''. He said while chuckling.

''I'll keep that in mind''. She said.

After a bit of silence he spoke. ''You are right you know'', he said while gently stroking her forearm before she slipped her hand into his, lacing their fingers, ''I do want you Max, I always have''.

''Yeah''? She said in almost disbelief.

''Yeah, I don't know why I just admitted that but uh, it's true ha-ha. As I said I've slept with a few of different women before but none I really _wanted_ , you feel me? It was all so much especially after Rachel, you know that was 7 months ago last week? Look at me turning into that weak-assed sap from Sketchy's dream''.

''You're not a weak-assed sap Alec, you're a person, and people are allowed to feel things like anger and sadness. Especially after a death''. She said, squeezing his hand a little for reassurance.

Neither one of them had ever felt this much comfort with another, not with Rachel or Logan, not even when they hung around Joshua or other people of their kind. They were certain they didn't have feelings for the other; it had been too long and a little too late for that ship to sail.

''That was one weird dream huh''. She said pulling him out of his thoughts.

''I'm not sure what disturbs me more the fact that he dreamt of me killing myself because you sassed me, killing myself because you died, or that he dreamt of us fucking. Twice''. He said,

''Ha ha ha, see now I just feel dirty''. She giggled.

''Thanks for staying Max''. He said, eyes drooping.

''Thanks for letting me''. She said before they drifted off into sound sleep.

This was confusing though, why all of a sudden are the being comfortable with each other? Maybe they've just gotten tired of pretending to hate the other, the bickering and arguing started getting tedious months ago. Then while in her sleep, for the first time that night she remembered Logan and how much he wasn't going to like this. Wasn't this cheating? Shouldn't she be with him right now on his couch or something? She woke up and was about to leave Alec, she was so stupid sometimes, but then his strong hand came around her body and he sleepily whispered,

''Don't leave me Max, I love you''.

And she had no choice but to force herself to get out of his bead and lock herself in the bathroom. He didn't mean it, of course not he's always said that Rachel was the girl for him, he'd never love anyone else. He was just drunk or tired or wanted to cause a rouse. Maybe this whole night had been a total joke to fuck with her. _No, but you wish he was fucking you._ And while that's 100% true, this is something else; she should wake him up and tell him. Or just wait until tomorrow because then he'll have a clear head. Or maybe she shouldn't tell him at all, what if he really didn't love her. Why did that bother her so much? _I love Logan._

And when sun rose and Alec did too, she stayed huddled in the bathroom; with the hours that passed bring two conclusions. Sketchy's story is real, and while she loves Logan, he is her guy.

But she loves Alec too and she's not sure why.


	17. Chapter Seventeen

After a while he got concerned when he hadn't seen her round that morning, thinking she took off. Until he saw her clothes and bike keys on the floor. He heard a click from the bathroom door and out stepped a red faced, shaky handed Max who was covered in sweat. _It's mid-winter_.

''Hey''. He said.

''Hey'', she said softly, ''I got up before you; I just kind of sat in the bathroom. I didn't want to wake you''.

''You know I can tell when you're lying right''? He said as more of a question.

''Yeah, yeah I know''.

He didn't press her to admit what was going on, he learnt a long time ago that when she was in a down mood it was best not to pry and eventually she came to him and confided in him. Now that he thought about it, their relationship was far more than just friends, it was a mutual respect. When the fuck did that happen?

''Do you mind if I take a shower? Just to cool down''.

''No Max that's fine go right ahead, I'll just get you a towel''.

She thanked him for the towel and lock herself back in the bathroom, turning on the water to the shower she felt the cold spray of water on her hands and the sound of the squealing pipes distracted her. She took off her underwear and placed them over the edge of the sink so they wouldn't get too dirty, she had to put them back on again afterwards, she didn't bring anything else and there was no way she was going to borrow anything of Alec's. _Because then that would mean I'd have to come back here and lord knows what would happen then. It's not like I can just pass his clothes back to him at work or in front of OC at our place. Everyone would ask too many questions. And Logan would fucking lose his shit. Oh fuck me, Logan, how could I forget_.

As she rested her head against the cold white tiles and let the water run through her hair and down her back she felt salt on her tongue and extra wetness on her face. It was easier to cry in the shower. The tears blended in with the water and over the rusty pipes hardly anyone could hear her. Except if you're a transgenic human who was graciously gifted with impeccable hearing. Then you're totally screwed. But that was the least of her worries. The tears kept coming and no matter how much she tried to hold them back she couldn't, and she wasn't even sure why she was crying in the first place. Sure she felt kind of bad about thinking about Alec more than she should have been over the past few months and after all the shit Logan did for her it made her feel dirty. Then there was the whole case of Alec and his little mid-sleep confession. That toyed with her even more.

When a pair of warm hands slowly rubbed soft circles on her shoulders it startled her, turning around in a blur to face Alec. She looked like a deer in headlights when she took in his naked form, and he hers and boy, wasn't she just something. It took all of his willpower not to let his body react to her that was the last thing he needed. Both of them were confused enough.

''Don't kill me, I heard you crying and wanted to make sure you were alright''. He said extending his arm out to affectionately touch her arm but hesitated and pulled back.

''You're allowed to touch me you know. I've actually missed it. Not just the having sex part – which is great – but the little things like comforting touches, cuddles, holding hands, a hand on my lower back as a sign of affection. I haven't experienced that in so long I've basically forgotten those kinds of things exists''. She said.

Placing his right hand on her hip as more tears fell down her face and mixed with the spray of water on the porcelain floor, he pulled her towards him and yes he was aware of the fact they were flush against each other. Oh so very aware. He would remember this for a long time, daydream about this moment. Her skin against his, her shape and form, the curve of her chest and hips against his own chest and hands. Oh yeah. He was definitely going to remember this.

Nothing happened between them surprisingly.

Of course I'm kidding.

When she looked up at him and was about to thank him again for what seemed like the hundredth time that morning he kissed her. Plain and simple. She responded to him and no it was not like those cheap half assed movie scenes where they forgot where they were, or it was just them and the surrounding world faded behind them. No Alec knew exactly where he was and what he was doing, he was aware of the world, aware of how close Max was, he could feel her tensing – not as sexy as it might sound – and he could tell she was fighting herself on this. He pulled away, shut the water off, grabbed her towel and wrapped it around her, warming her up which seemed like she needed, lips turning pale blue and skin as cold as ice. They didn't say another word to each other for most of the day.

''You said you love me''. She said while looking at the red flames of the fire she was warming up in front of.

''I did what now''? He said in disbelief.

''Last night. You said you love me; I tried to get up and leave because I shouldn't have stayed with you. It was like flood gates crashed and this dam of confusion has flooded me. I don't love you Alec, Logan…he's the guy for me I know it, I wouldn't risk so much if that wasn't the case. But since not being able to touch him for so long, you come in and fill the void I've had in me for the first time in months. I don't like it Alec, you need to stop''.

''Why''? He asked, she continued to watch the fire.

''Because I can't be involved with you of all people. I mean Joshua is more my type than you''.

''Way to kick a guy when he's already down''. He said.

''What does that mean''?

''I remember what I said, I wasn't asleep, it just kind of came out. When you locked yourself in the bathroom I was so angry with myself. Logan is your guy, Rachel was my girl and you've somehow entered my mind and taken her place. I'm sorry that's not the right term but I don't know how else to put it''. He said sitting next to her.

''Don't get me wrong Alec I'm certainly not complaining, not at all. I really do miss the small intimacy of being with someone else. But you and I are too different, I know you too well. You're like a brother to me''.

''You know Max, in most parts of this country, wanting to fuck someone who is your ''brother'' is illegal'', he joked, ''But I get your point''.

''I have a suggestion, hear me out''.

''Oh god Max please don't offer me some sort of friends with benefits proposition that's just cliché and I'm already fucked up enough I don't need no more drama in Seattle for me''.

''It's not really like that. We don't have to have sex at all, or even go near those parts of each other, that's not the subject of my idea. In Sketchy's dream we were intimate sexually and while I'm itching to feel that kind of pleasure again, my mind would just revert back to that really fucked up dream and the moment would be over''. She said.

''Yeah trust me I feel the same way''.

''However'', she continued, ''In the last 24 hours I've experienced touch for the first time in two years, you know what that does to a person Alec. I'm so deprived of human skin, another person, its so…''

''Cannibalistic''?

''I was going to say sad''.

''That works too''.

''So my deal is, everything goes back to how it was a few days ago, lord knows that won't be hard considering how much you always do something stupid and it gets someone in trouble, but when we need we make ourselves available. For comfort''. She added the last part quickly.

''I see, so when you want someone to physically give you affection or I need someone to spoon at night time we do that for each other''.

''Yeah, and this way without so much as an intimate act LIKE sex, it'll be almost impossible for us to fall for each other. This usually isn't how it goes in movies so I doubt it'll happen in real life too. So forget your clichés Alec''.

''I see, I can roll with this, yes. This is a good idea, the only one I think you've ever had in the time I've known you. Maybe even before that too''. He said.

''There it is''. She said finally looking at him.

''Hey, I could really use a long continuous hug right now''.

''Would you like to cuddle me''?

''Yes, yes I would''.

''Jesus Max, such a girl''.

''I don't want this to go to your head or anything but, I like being like this, I guess the feline DNA or whatever the cooked me up from in Manticore feels safe – _protected_ – with someone from my own kind''. She said as she rested her head on his chest, his arms circling her and resting just above her hips.

''Oh no that's definitely going to my head Max, no doubt about it''.

''I shouldn't have said anything''.

''Probably not but it's a little too late for that one''.

''You know'', he started, ''I don't want this to go to your head or anything but, I like having you here, like this. Don't think much of it though I just miss female company''.

''Oh no, that's _definitely_ going to _my_ head''. She said in a mocking tone.

They fell asleep by the burnt out fire and in the morning went their separate ways to work and that's when it all went down hill.


	18. Chapter Eighteen

**A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated this in a while, it's not that I forgot I've kept writing content, but now that people seem to be enjoying it I want to keep that going and so I've become really critical of the work I did. But none the less I'm back and the story will continue…and for those asking I'm not sure when this will end, it won't be a massive long story there is only one plot line left to get through which is Max and Alec facing the real world and not Sketchy's dream and it's not complicated as before there relationship is now more simple, something I think would have happened after FN. Anyways on with the story.**

 _That's when everything went downhill…._

To be honest the only thing that went down hill was the relationships they shared with other people. How this was meant to work Alec had no idea. He and Max, not even friends with benefits – that was a concept he knew well – but just comfort buddies. God that sounded so lame, like the low-budget version of every film he'd seen on the TV of how two people have mad sex for months and then they start to fall for each other but then it gets just too much so someone fucks up and then it's all over until the end when they're back together and some happy pop music plays at the end, convincing you that you had a good time. When in fact you didn't have a good time because now you have a _situation_ thanks to Natalie Portman's boobs. No, this certainly wasn't that, as much as he wishes it might be, it's not but Alec isn't about to complain he would take what he could consider that she could have done a lot worse. _Especially after you jumped into the shower naked with her. Fun huh?_ The little voice inside his head was becoming more prominent now, not that he minded, sometimes the little fella would joke with him and say something about Max's ass when she walked by – which his regular self would happily agree with. Was this a sign of him loosing his marbles? Was that how the saying went?

At the beginning of the agreement neither of them had actually called upon the other in times of needing a warm body to curl up to or someone to light a spark in their lower stomach. The need hadn't been that intense anyways it's not like they would die without the other. Actually Alec had to disagree. See this whole thing was easy for him, of course he would never admit it but he loved Max, maybe he wasn't IN love with her, but he sure as hell loved her. Not like a sister and not like a lover. At least that's how it seemed. They only ever ended up in each others arm when it wasn't planned, like last week when they had a meeting in his apartment about a couple of rouge transgenic's and they had ended up talking about things like the stars and Japan and then they ate out his entire pantry because Sketchy accidently gave Alec a joint instead of a basic cigarette he asked for and she had received the second hand of it. They sat on the floor wrapped in blankets and potato chips crumbs until they fell asleep on the cold, polished wood, his arm wrapped around her waist and hers around his, almost possessively.

There had been many moments like that in the past few days, at work they would hug each other and sometimes they would last just one second too long and they'd convince themselves that it was nothing and an act so innocent between friends was comforting. Max still couldn't touch Logan and while Rachel had died many months ago, there was nothing stopping Alec from finding another, more willing body to share his bed with. And not in the _I miss the feeling of a warm body_ type, it was more of the _I miss being inside a body and making girls scream my name_ kind of way. Which bothered Max, because in the end they'd probably still wrap their arms around each other and spoon. _But isn't that meant for just you Max? Does it bother you that he's not just occupied on you, there are other women out there probably lined up to give him and his X-5 needs what EXACTLY he does NEED…_

''Why are you like this''? She questioned.

''Like what''?

''Stupid''

''I thought I was a smart-aleck''

''Let me know if there's a difference''.

''Max, why are you being so hostile''?

''Because I can be and also because you annoy me, two very valid reasons''.

''Not really Max, not really''. Alec said throwing a shirt back on, slightly flinching as his front door slammed shut.

''Look, you and I are nothing, you've made that pretty clear something I've accepted over these somewhat tumultuous years, you don't have a right to be angry Max. I'm a big boy''. He laughed lightly sitting on the end of his bed, looking up at her, as she stood slightly towering over him.

''I bet you are'', she said realizing that it was accidentally out loud but she could see the challenge in his eyes and wasn't about to back down, ''not that I care''.

''Oh no, of course not you just pretty much break into my home, kick out the girl I was half deep into, and get upset at me for sleeping with someone else''.

''Yes and''.

''Well for there to be a _someone else_ to sleep with, you and I would have had to sleep together and we all know your moral compass just can't allow any sort of glitch. I wonder if you'll burst into flames if it does''. He said, pondering what a burning Max would look like.

''Okay well I don't want there to be a someone else''.

''So what are you saying''?

''I'm saying don't sleep with other girls''.

''You're not my girlfriend Max, you don't get a say''.

''Well I want to have a say''.

''But you don't''.

''But I want to''.

''Well then for that to happened we're just going to have to fuck now aren't we''. Somewhere the trying to get each other to admit they wanted more turned angry and a little fun, the back and forth was gone in their cuddling sessions and Max realised they worked better when they bantered. _Excitement for you? How long has it been, enjoy it while you can Max?_

''Well then fine''. She said.

''Fine? _Fine?_ FINE!? No Max not just fine, that is not fine, none of this is fine it just has to be simple, it is already so simple, and god I'm so stubborn. I can't do this, I can't sleep with you, I can't challenge you anymore it just…it gets me nowhere''.

''So what are you saying''?

''Focus on Logan, Max. You love him. You found a cure once I'm sure you can do it again''. Alec said.

 _Why are you pushing her away, now is your chance._

As if she could read his mind – and sometimes he thought she could – she grabbed him by the neck and pulled him into a kiss, one of those kisses where they could feel the bruises forming already. She zipped her jacket down slowly, painfully, and slow enough so he could realise she wasn't wearing anything under it. The jacket dropped to the floor and his jeans tightened like the Natalie Portman moments – except this was much better. Next her pants, followed by her shoes and then everything else. He zoned out, as in zoned out of everything else because here he was sitting on his bed and Max just stripped in front of him like it was nobody's business. This was the first time any one had rendered him speechless. What was he meant to say, he was in awe but on her end it didn't seem to take.

''Okay fine never mind, I see you're busy thinking about other things''.

''No no no no no no no no'', he rambled stopping her, ''I was just thinking about how lucky I am, dude you have no idea how much I have wanted to see you do that and not just as in a general way, just for me''. He was blushing?

Her confidence boosted back up.

''Oh is that so''?

''I hate Logan so much man, seriously that guy got to be in you and your presence – but mostly the first thing – before me and I dunno makes me hate him even more''.

''I just have always loved you and we were breeding partners so Manticore obviously matched us up before we knew the other existed, for me at least, it's always been there''.

''Oh shut up you big doof''. She smiled and lifted his shirt up over his head and dumped it on the floor in her mess of clothes as he picked her up and gracefully threw her onto the bed.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Panting they broke apart, chests rising and falling erratically, sweat gathered on their skin, tingles still coiled up in their lower selves. There was the end of that, of all of it, what were they going to do now? Have a heart to heart about feelings and how they always were meant to be blah blah blah. No he didn't think so, she wasn't ready either.

''So no more other girls then'' he said.

''Good''. She said, there was silence.

''Why did you get so mad before''? Alec asked.

''Probably the best time to tell you… I broke up with Logan a few months back actually just before our half-assed arrangement. I didn't want to say anything before because I knew you would freak out and read too much into everything and I just wanted to get to this point''.

''Which is where exactly''? He asked looking at her, tracing patterns on her bare shoulder, she sighed into the feeling of his touch, however light it was.

''Here, just right here. I do love you Alec, really. I'm not sure if I'm in love with you and I don't think I ever will be but there's nothing wrong with this''. She said.

''Friends with benefits''

''No, because we love each other and that's usually not how those things go''

''Okay fair point''

''So now what''?

No they hadn't gotten together, in fact they remained the closest of friends, in turn that had cut everyone out of their lives but they didn't care, they had each other through everything, war, transgenic's, Jam Pony, even dating relationships. Although those never worked out because they would eventually had sex with each other and feeling bad about cheating would break up with their significant other. It was strange because there was no real emotion bringing them back to each other it just happened organically which was terrifying for both of them because that meant something else, and while the sex was great, and it really was, that wasn't was pulling them back to each other. But it certainly wasn't helping either of them, how could they move forward in their lives if they just were always in each other's lives?

Had they tried to let each other go, of course, time and time again and time and time again they had been thrown back together, or thrown themselves at each other, like at OC's wedding, they hadn't seen each other in months – he was off doing some butt kicking for some mission with a low-level government operation who had no idea about Manticore. Luckily. The wedding was beautiful and she had seen him with a redhead girl who he must have met during his mission, she was pretty, but she wasn't Max. She however was dating one of the bartenders at Crash, a new guy who treated her well. Emotions had flared up in her when she watched them on the dance floor and stepped onto the balcony for fresh air. In which he had followed her to make sure she was okay because that's just how he was now, caring and protective of her. Long story short Joshua had tripped over the satin curtains that covered the windows to the balcony and when they fell to the floor a very shocked wedding party got a nice view of what Max and Alec got up to in their spare time.

Their partners weren't too happy but Alec heard they're now expecting their first kid together, so not everything was a total loss.

That still didn't change anything; they became each other distraction and solace. It had become routine now and neither of them were bothered by it, in fact she had moved in with him only a few weeks ago to make things easier on themselves so they weren't rushing half way across the city when they wanted to fuck each other's brains out.

It was like they were together, but simply denied it when anyone asked, and they always joked about it too on nights where the rain fell and burnt out Alec's cigarette or when she made him breakfast and kissed him on his way out to work. But they were never the normal type. Ask anyone about four years ago and they would tell you that Max and Alec would never so much as to be willingly be in the same room as each other let alone get to the part where they now share their lives.

But it was something they has situated with normal, Alec was right all long, because they did belong with each other, they were of the same kind how could the not be? In days where Alec would let his imagination run too wild he would think about how Manticore made them this way, Max was literally made for him, some days he wondered if they'd ever fall in love and if this was just that awkward stage of where there was no pressure and he protected her with his life and she fell asleep after nights of sweaty sex to a steady heartbeat.


End file.
